“There might as well be.” She falls back against the couch dramatically.
“We’re going to come up with a plan and we’re going to fix it all. A plan which doesn’t involve killing anyone,” Mom says. She pushes up her glasses, looking at Dad for support. And since he’s never not supported my mom, he nods in agreement. Over her shoulder, he winks at me, letting me know that killing Josh is still very much on the table.
“You guys are awesome,” I say. “All of you. Thank you for believing me.”
They all look offended, like I would dare doubt them.
“We’re not going to believe some shithead over you,” Holden says, glancing guiltily at my grandmothers and great aunt. “Sorry.”
“Shithead is right,” Aunt Constance says. “As someone who had one for a brother-in-law, I should know.”
“The man is dead, Connie,” Grandma Liz chides. “We can safely call him what he was. A total fuckwad.”
“Ma!” Dad cries, horror and amusement flashing across his face.
“Aiden doesn’t like it when we cuss,” Grandma says conspiratorially.
“Remember when the kids were little, and they had a swear jar?” Gran asks. “Poor Aiden lost so much money that year.”
“He stopped swearing after that?” Kai asks, head tilting in curiosity.
Gran laughs. “No, he was losing money, so he got rid of the swear jar.”
“It was highway robbery,” Dad protests. “Twenty dollars for each bad word.”
“The idea was to stop swearing, honey. Not to swear so much we had to get rid of the swear jar,” Mom says with a laugh.
“We ended up donating the money so at least it went to a good cause,” Drew adds.
I rest my head against Roman’s shoulder, watching my family and friends. They don’t care what Josh said about me because they know me. All the people out there who are opining on my personality and debating if Josh is right and the incels asking the important questions of why men aren’t believed (cue eye roll) don’t deserve a second thought.
Roman is right. People are going to talk shit about you regardless of what you do in life. Josh’s lies are going to hurt and they’re going to be tied to me forever. They’re not going to break me, though. The only way to win the game is to play, and I never lose.
FIFTY-FOUR
ROMAN
I pull on my tie with rough, jerking hands and mess up twice. All morning, I haven’t been able to concentrate. Now it’s game time and my body is acting like I haven’t slept in two days and I’m basically surviving on espresso shots.
Oh, wait. That’s exactly what I’ve been doing. I can’t sleep when Lavinia is wide awake next to me, watching her career and reputation go down the drain with each stitch and repost of Josh’s interview. The video has millions of views, and everyone has something to say about it, whether they know Lavinia or not.
Lavinia’s phone is currently locked up in Jules’s desk drawer so she can’t log onto her profile and read all the comments people are tagging her in. If that’s not bad enough, Lavinia’s decided that she wants to go to tonight’s game. She’s growing antsy staying inside.
Soft hands push mine aside and grab my tie. I lower my hands and let Lavinia take over.
“I don’t want you to come,” I say honestly. “He’s going to try to mess with your head again.”
She looks up at me, her eyes red rimmed. “I’m not the one who’s playing tonight. And he can’t harm me while I’m sitting inthe audience. Besides, any harm he’d intended has already been done.”
I grind my jaw, remembering two nights ago and the words she whispered in the darkness of her old bedroom. We’d decided to spend the night at her parent’s house instead of driving back to mine or her apartment. Too much is going on right now, but I can’t do the separate apartment shit any longer.
We were lying face-to-face, under a bright pink duvet. String lights hung over the ceiling and the soft cozy curtains of the four-poster bed pulled close. The bed was too small for two adults, but we didn’t have a problem sleeping close together.
“Everything he said is true,” she’d whispered. I’d pulled back a little to look at her. Her eyes were trained on my chest as she drew mindless circles on it. “I never did anything to him. But that doesn’t mean those things didn’t happen.”
My body went rigid as I realized what she wasn’t saying. Everything happened becausehedid them toher. The gaslighting, the manipulation that he said Lavinia did? That was all him.
My body shook with the force of my anger, and it took everything in me to calm down, to focus on my wife. My strong, fierce Lavinia. I thought Josh’s ugliness was surface level, that he was a shallow, narcissistic man, but he’d never do anything to harm her. I guess I was also fooled by the pretense he put on for everyone.
