Between the shock of the news, and the total fatigue of fighting an out-of-control wildfire non-stop, this is not a conversation I should be having. But I know I need her to calm down, and so I croon in gentle tones, “Please don’t cry, sugar. I didn’t mean it like that. I’m surprised by the news. That’s all.”
I listen to her sobs over the phone, grimacing and wishing I could be there to hold her. She means everything to me, and even though I’m not ready for it, our baby will meaneverything to me, too. But I need time to process my feelings. Time to wrap my head around it all.
“Do you not want me to have the baby?” she splutters, and I fist my hand at my side. She couldn’t get a more visceral reaction out of me if she punched me in the guts.Fuck, how could she even suggest something like that?
As a foster child, I always shouldered the weight of knowing the people who brought me into this world didn’t want me. I made excuses for why they felt that way. They were too young, too fucking stupid, too drugged out. But those excuses couldn’t blot out the trauma and abuse of my early years.
Steeling my voice, I command, “Don’t ever say that again. You hear? Whether or not we’re ready for this baby, we’re having a baby. Now, it’s up to us to get our shit pulled together before it happens.”
“Yo, Cartwright?—”
The timing couldn’t be worse.I lift my head, craning my neck to look at Kurt who hollers at me from the edge of the black.
“Time’s up. Back on the line.”
“Sure thing,” I reply, rubbing my free hand over my face.
I’m so overwhelmed and pissed by her suggestion I can’t say another word. “I’ll call you when I can,” I manage before hanging up.
I DIDN’T MEAN to lie to Faith over the phone. But when I get another chance for a break and a call, hers isn’t the number I dial.
Instead, I call Logan. Yeah, he was an asshole the last time I saw him. But out of all of my brothers, he still gets me the best.
On the first ring, he answers, “Hey, lil bro, you making any progress on that fire?”
“So so,“ I reply, kicking the dirt as I talk. “It’s about twenty-five percent contained now. If Mother Nature would just give us a break with this wind, we could get things handled. But we’ll see.”
“Can’t imagine a better crew than the Rough & Ready Hotshots. You’ve got this.”
I know he’s right. But all I can think about is getting pulled off the line so that we can make camp and sleep for a bit. I feel like a zombie.
“Look, I need to tell you something. But please don’t get mad at me, okay? Just hear me out before you weigh in.” My voice shakes even though I work hard to steady it.
“Okay… ”
I should probably explain things a little better. Provide a little context for how everything’s gone down, but I may only have minutes before it’s back to digging and clearing potential wildfire fuel. I blurt out, “Faith’s pregnant with my baby.”
“You knocked up Faith Jenkins? Good God.”
I shake my head, words failing me when I need them most. Logan knows Faith and I have been dating for the past six weeks, and he’s been nothing but supportive. But getting her pregnant in four weeks of fooling around? If I was in anyone else’s shoes, I’d react the same way.
“You’re about to do a whole bunch of growing up real fast, bro. Your fooling around days are over.”
I say through gritted teeth, “They’ve been over ever since I fell for Faith. But I know the timing’s all off.”
“I remember distinctly having the condom talk with you, bro. You do realize how babies are made, right?”
“Fuck, Logan.”
“I think it’s a fair question under the circumstances.”
“She was on birth control pills, so I thought everything was under control.”
“Hmm. I hate to say this, but are you sure she didn’t get pregnant on purpose to rope you in?”
My initial reaction is pulse-pounding rage. But in the greater context of her mother, I can see where the thought could arise.
“Honestly, Faith doesn’t need to rope me in with a baby to keep me faithful. I’m hers. One hundred percent.”
