But right now, I’m okay, even if I am bleeding out all over the dance floor.
Head spinning. Tequila on my tongue.
Dodge the pool. Slip in anyway.
Water. Legs everywhere, like stems in a vase. Eyes burning.
Lungs on fire. Air. Bursting up to the surface.
That white smile again. Close. So close. I kiss her. She kisses me.
Doesn’t matter. Eyes closed. Floating.
I can pretend to be fine. I’m good at pretending. An expert.
I wake up on the floor. A girl who isn’t Charlotte is tangled in my sheets. Her friend, maybe. The model?
All around us are the remnants of last night. Wine bottles and discarded clothes. My stomach roils, and a fist squeezes in my chest.
“Hey,” she says, lust-laden eyes looking up at me through thick lashes.
“Did we?” I’m still in my pants. The button is undone as well as the zipper, but they’re on. My panic heightens, blood pounding in my ears.
“No, we got back and you freaked out. Insisted on sleeping on the floor. We still can, though, if you’ve changed your mind?”She reaches out, her pointed manicure pricking against my stomach.
I jolt away. “I need you to go.”
“Can I—”
Bending, I bundle her clothes in my arms and shove them her way. “I need you to go.” I know I’m coming off as rude, but I don’t have time to care. It’s this or fall apart.
And between being seen as the asshole they expect me to be and the reality of the crumbling man that I am, I’ll always prefer the lie.
I retreat to the bathroom until I hear my front door slam.
The night stitches itself together. Well, not entirely. There are holes, but not when it comes to the things I wish I could forget. Maddie and her hungry eyes. The liquor burning as I pretended it was antiseptic, treating all my wounds tucked deep inside.
My phone rings in the other room. I crawl back and search for it. On the lit up screen, I find ten calls and four texts from Derek. I stop when I see Avery’s name.
Avery:Where the hell are you?
Avery:A threesome? Seriously?
I have no idea what she’s talking about, though, my memory isn’t all that reliable right now. Didn’t whoever that was say nothing happened? I Google my name and am faced with pictures from after I jumped into the pool? Fell? It doesn’t matter because I’m kissing Charlotte in one shot, then the girl from this morning in another. Vanessa, according to the caption.
“Fuck.”
I try to get up but my legs feel too weak to carry me. I hit the floor and my head falls into my hands.
I promised I’d be better, and all I did was live down to their expectations.
I pick up my phone and swallow the knot in my throat as the line rings.
“Hello, this is Dr. Natalie Davis.” Her voice is level and professional. It’s a shock to my system, forcing me to stay focused.
“It’s Wesley,” I rasp.
“Hi, Wesley. How can I help you?”
