“Did it look bad?” It doesn’t matter. It’s done. Talking is good. It keeps me breathing. Keeps my mind in the moment.
I’m here. I’m safe.
“Not to everyone else.” He shakes his head. “Just a bit of a stumble and they probably forgot after Avery came on stage. If there’s any coverage on it, they’ll probably just call it overly romantic.”
“But you knew?”
“I knew,” he confirms, giving the slightest nod.
“Because it happened to you too. Bet it feels great for me to get some karma.” I release a strangled laugh.
But I know that’s not all of it. We still know each other. No matter how much time passes that will never change. We met at an age when we were still learning who we were, and because of it, he’s a part of me.
“I did. And I know that I felt like shit after.” His shoulders relax as a new understanding settles between us. “What do you need?”
“Some water would be nice,” I say. My throat is raw and the water he brings back helps cool it.
He sits with me in silence as I do my best to settle into my surroundings. Ground myself with the techniques I’ve discussed with Dr. Davis. Feel the cracked leather of the couch, the rough outer seam of my pants. Count the tattoos on Luca’s arms. Listen to the patter of footsteps outside. Taste the tacky way my tongue sticks to my mouth.
I wrestle back control with what I’ve learned and that in itself feels like a victory.
“Hey, are you doing all right?” Avery’s voice is muted through the door.
“Come in.” I’m slumped against the couch. I’m sapped of energy, but I feel connected to myself again.
“I can leave now that everything is good here,” Luca says as he rises out of his chair.
“Stay. There’s something that you both should hear.” Though I’ve told Avery most of what happened, there’s still something that I’ve withheld. One truth I’ve kept locked away, terrified of confronting. And if they look at me differently once they know, I’ll find a way to live with it. But I’m tired of Maddie having power over me. “I think it’s time that I told you both about what really happened that night on Avery’s birthday.”
Wesley
Summer 2014
“Just stay. Don’t you have a dress here from two weeks ago?”
A dress, a few pairs of shoes, shirts, a swimsuit. By that point, Avery was half moved into my New York apartment. Had a key and everything, and that was perfectly fine by me.
It had been three months since Paris, and she stayed pretty much every night, but we were still taking things slow.
Sleeping together really just meant sleeping in my bed where the pillows started to smell like her citrus shampoo. She’d stained one the week before with her hair dye and tried to replace it, but I liked it, a mark that she was there.
We never discussed what we were. It’s not like labels made sense. We were friends who were married and starting to act like it in our own private way. Though, “private” might’ve been a stretch. Each day there were more articles speculating about the nature of our relationship while others playfully detailed the timeline. Derek and Lydia were working around the clock with our PR teams, trying to spin tales about collaborations and work engagements in addition to our long-time friendship.
“I promised Evelyn we’d go dress shopping after I pick her up at the airport. Isn’t it crazy that she’s almost nineteen?” Avery said as she threw her wallet and keys in her purse. “Where did my sunglasses go?” The stretched neckline of her shirt dipped off one shoulder as she searched.
“Here.” I grabbed the square frames from the top of her head and slid them onto her face. My hand captured hers. “I can’t wait to see what you pick.” I dragged her close. My mouth teased up her neck, following the sharp line of her jaw.
“I have to go. Ev is going to land soon,” she said, but made no move to leave, fingers snagging in my shirt as she pressed against me.
“Can’t Luca do that?” I asked against her mouth. “We could stay here and do this.”
She groaned, tossing her head back in a stream of red waves. I liked that. How she made me feel hard to let go of. “He is, but she’s flying out for my birthday, so I’d like to be there too.”
“I could come.”
“I promise you’ll have all of me soon enough. I want to tell them tonight,” she said, leaning back so she could look me in the eye. “About us.”
“Really?” I perked up, trying not to look too excited in case I was somehow misinterpreting what she meant. I was more than satisfied with what we had, but I wanted to celebrate and talk about her with the people I was closest to.
