Cecilia kissed her temple. “It’s like your father with his wooden flowers. I could never make something beautiful like that. But the world needs both the creators and the revolutionaries. I only knew how to break things, but that’s important when things are stale. Your Aunt Sylvie, King Xander, even your father—they are the ones who know how to make something beautiful. But the world needs change-makers too. They need people who burn and burn and inspire other people to burn too. I think you underestimate yourself. You know how to make people great. Do you know what I see?”
Stella shook her head.
Her mother smiled. “I see your confidence in Leo. You have always pushed him harder than your father or I could. You broke him out of his shell. His first few years with us, he was so afraid of everything. The more of a wild child you were, the more he saw that the world could be a safe place. When he fell, you were the one who picked him up, and he got braver every day. That was your doing. You showed him how to grow out of his fear and look at what a wonderful, confident young man he’s become.”
A lump formed in Stella’s throat. She’d always been so close to Leo. After her initial disturbance at his arrival, she came to agree with her parents that he belonged with them. He just fit in. But they were so close in age that she’d never stopped to see how she had helped shape him.
Her mother stroked her cheek. “And I see your softness in Rosie.”
“That’syoursoftness,” Stella said. Her voice wobbled.
Cecilia shook her head. “No, Little Star. Rosie has her mother’s creativity, your father’s steadiness, and my warmth. But she has your strength of heart and vulnerability. I see you in all the beautiful things about your siblings, just like I sometimes see myself or yourfather. But you have always had a way of seeing their beauty and reflecting it back to them in a way they can take.”
“Papa says I get that from you.”
“Perhaps. But you have always been so fiercely your own, and that is the thing I am most proud of,” Cecilia said. “That is what I fought for—for you and every other woman in the two kingdoms to be themselves and make their own choices.”
Again, Stella couldn’t remember why she’d pushed her mother away. Sometimes it felt easier to be loved so intensely from a distance, especially when she wasn’t certain she’d done anything to deserve it.
“Why is this all so hard?”
Cecilia smiled softly. “Oh, my Little Star, you’re just growing up.”
“Don’t be nice about it. It makes it worse,” Stella sobbed.
Cecilia laughed and kissed her forehead. “It’s my job to love you no matter what. Best job I’ve ever had.” She shifted and the top of her dress gapped, revealing the golden scar over her heart. Stella stared at it for a long moment.
“Don’t romanticize this scar like everyone else, Stella,” her mother whispered. “You have always loved it, even when you were a baby. But I would spare you from ever having to make that choice—from looking into the eyes of the person you love most and knowing that it’s you or them. I don’t want you to love like that. I want someone to loveyoulike that. I want you to be safe because you’re my baby.”
“What if I fail?” The question slipped out.
Gods, Stella didn’t even know what she was fighting for anymore. She’d thought she was so unique, but she was just another woman giving too much of herself up for a man who didn’t appreciate it. It was such a disappointing end to this story she’d expected to be grand.
“What if you fail?”
Stella pulled back and met her mother’s gaze. “I thought you would reassure me.”
Cecilia sighed. “What I mean is: What are you making failure mean about you?”
Stella frowned.
“You’re my baby. I cannot even fathom that kind of failure,because it terrifies me and I have only survived thus far by putting my complete faith in you. I’m white-knuckling every challenge, hoping that if you can’t win, you’ll at least be safe.”
Stella sat up. “I don’t want to upset you. The baby?—”
“I’m fine, and so is the baby. You worry about you, Stella.”
“How?”
Her mother laughed loudly and suddenly. “I don’t know. I’ve been missing your grandfather. I’d love to know how he handled me running into danger like this. Now I know how terrified he must have been, but he never showed it. I’d love to know his secret. I wish I could tell you that I’m not afraid, that I have every confidence. But being a mother is redefining fear daily, and when I see you hurt, it makes me want to rip the world apart.”
Stella rested her head on the pillow next to her mother. “Can I stay here tonight?”
“Of course.”
Stella snuggled into Cecilia’s arms and breathed in the lemon-lavender scent that had been so comforting to her since childhood. Sometimes a girl just needed her mother.
34
