"Thanks, man." I grabbed the items and took a seat in one of the lobby chairs, balancing the legal pad on my knees and tapping the paper with the end of the pen, trying to get my thoughts in order.
There's so much I want to say—where do I start?
Even though I knew she was with Kyle from Macabre Maniacs, I couldn’tnottell her what was in my heart. I might never bring her that kind of love, but I could at least start owning up to my bad life decisions.
My dearest CC,
I never wanted to fly with anyone but you. I'm sorry for lying. I'm sorry for leaving. But most of all I'm sorry you had to see me like that, stoned out of my mind and close to death. I understand if you hate me.Ihate myself, too.
For a few seconds, I had to blink away tears of shame. She probably saw me as nothing but a piece of trash, a guy who only cared about fame and glory, nothing else. How far I'd fallen from the honorable boy I'd once been.
It's time for me to leave the Neverland I created for myself. I love you, Terri Kingston, and I always will. I'm getting clean. Not for you, but for me. Maybe I'll find the man I should've been all along.
Tell Lana she's going to do awesome things and that I love her like a little sister. Tell her I'm sorry I wasn't the big brother she deserved.
As for you...I love you like a soulmate.
I paused, staring at the last word I wrote, the pen hovering above the paper as I ran the last sentence through my head again. Yes, Terri Kingston had been the only one for me, hadalwaysbeen the only one for me, yet I fucked everything up and there would be no coming back from it.
The music video ended, and another started, but I didn't focus on the song. My heart was too heavy to pay attention to anything but what I needed to say.
I won't bother you again. Here's my goodbye kiss to you.
Pulling a guitar pick from my pocket, I pressed it to my lips then laid it on the counter.
Know that I'm so proud of how brave and strong you've become. You'll make someone happyone of these days.
Always your lost boy,
Pax
With a nod, I ripped the paper from the pad, folded it up, and stuffed the pick inside, then took it to Johnny. "Thank you." I scribbled her name on the back of the note. "I appreciate you passing this along."
"Sure thing." He took the paper with a gnarled index finger and thumb. "Say, you're the lead singer of Neverstorm, right?"
I gave a half shrug. "Yeah."
"You guys have a raw, edgy sound. Nothing like what I've heard in recent years. It reminds me of some of the big hair rock in the eighties, before all this auto-tune crap."
I couldn't help but chuckle. "Yeah, I grew up listening to those bands. I figure if I can't carry a tune without help, I shouldn't be singing in the first place. And I've always loved playing bass. There's just something about establishing the rhythm for a song."
Johnny's face lit up. "Right? Play it loud and proud, kid, loud and proud." His stare swept over me. "I know you been havin' a rough time of it lately but hold your chin up and keep going. You seem like a smart guy. Surround yourself with people who only want the best for you—notfromyou—and you'll go far."
This guy's pretty cool, even if he does look like he just stepped out of 1960.
"Thank you." With a small wave, I turned away and strode out the door. Viktor's driver waited inside a gray sedan to take me to an intensive inpatient rehab program that would last for weeks.
Only one last thing to do...
As I slid inside the cool, dark backseat, I dialed Jay's number and waited for him to answer.
"Hello?"
"It's Paxton. You and Katrina are fired."
"What?" His voice rose an octave. "You can't do that. The Moshpit contract is for Neverstorm, and we're part of the band."
"Actually, the only name on the contract is mine, and since Neverstorm is my creation, I control who is in or out of the band." The car rolled down the highway and I stared out the window. "And guess what? I'm taking back my control."
