Pax, why can’t you see the road you’re on?
“Oh, God. I’m sorry. I forgot you said you knew him.” Kyle shook his head and laid a hand over mine. “I didn’t mean to be so callous.”
I wiped a tear from the corner of my eye. “It’s fine. I really don’t know him anymore, but I still feel agony for that teenager I used to care for. He’s falling into the same pattern he’d sworn to avoid with no one to save him from himself.”
“Maybe he doesn’t want to be saved,” Kyle said gently, circling his thumb over the back of my hand.
This man sitting in front of me, who brought me lunch, who’s always upbeat yet down to earth despite being a renowned celebrity, is the real deal.
“Well, enough about Paxton.” I pushed my food away and leaned closer to Kyle, resolving to push that lonely, broken boy to the back of my mind. “You doing anything tonight?”
“I’d planned on asking a sassy, spunky lady on an official date, but I’ve been scared she’d say no.” His bright eyes flashed, and his smile shone like the light of the midday sun.
“And what would you do if she said yes?”
Before I could move, he leaned in and placed a soft kiss on my lips, letting his mouth linger over mine.
It was nice. It was safe. But it wasnotfilled with that urgent heat and recklessness I felt with Paxton. Shoving him out of my head once more, I pressed my lips firmly against Kyle’s, determined to make myself feel something…anything…besides the wrongness of our contact nagging deep inside my heart.
Chapter thirty-seven
Paxton Ross
Iwaitedcalmlybackstage,watching the clock, knowing the roadies were setting up our instruments. But on the inside, I could feel that building call, that scratching need to quell the nerves, to make myself stronger.
And I hated every fucking sensation.
But I’d be lying if I said I only hated the rush that came with whatever I’d usually find to fill that void. I loved the way it squashed those insecurities that began in music prep school.
I’d immediately thrown myself into classes, soaking in every bit of knowledge I could, afraid at any moment Charles Kingston would find some loophole to pull me out and throw my ass back onto the street.
So, two weeks in, I took an upper offered by some of the other students I’d started hanging out with. I’d felt sure it wasn’t a big deal to take a pill when I needed it. After all, I wasn’t shooting heroin into my veins like Dad.
Yet, when the pills didn’t seem to work as well, I sought out stronger drugs, still believing it wasn’t a problem—thatIdidn’t have a problem—because it didn’t come in a needle.
And then a year after graduating, Neverstorm had a big chance one night and I fucked it up with my first taste of cocaine. From there, I graduated to anything I could use as long as I didn’t have to shoot it up my arm.
I became my father and the shame tore me up inside. Even after being micromanaged by Katrina and Jay, plus the label, I should’ve been mortified, but I still didn’t care.
Not until last weekend, when I saw the hurt, the pity, and the horror in CC’s eyes.
Slicking back my pale, bleached hair, I penciled in a bit of eyeliner and shrugged on a leather jacket. I stared at myself.
What happened to that kid who swore he’d never end up like his father?
From the reflection in the mirror, I watched Katrina stand and head toward me.
I looked away.
CC would never give me a chance now. I lied to her on our first date. She saw me as nothing more than a pathetic addict, and she deserved someone better, someone whole, someone clean.
Music had been the only escape, besides reading, that had gotten me through my nightmare of life and I felt its call pulling at my bones.
Katrina bent forward and slung an arm around my shoulders. “Here. This is for those nerves.” She opened her palm. “It’s safe. Not illegal.”
I didn’t even care what it was. What was the point? My body craved its next high and I would be a wreck if I didn’t take something to get me through the night. I dry swallowed it and stared at myself in the mirror again.
What have I become? A mirror reflection of my father?
