“Would you mind writing down the lyrics for me? I need to play around with a few chords while I experiment.”
“I guess.” Taking the notebook, I opened it and held a pen over the paper.
Paxton gently drummed his fingers against the wood of the guitar in a regular rhythm, humming quietly, then he began strumming.
“My heart is a ripcord and you pulled the string.”He replayed the same melody an octave lower, nodding to himself.
I was transfixed at his voice, at the lyrics he spouted off the top of his head. He’d looked like the typical rockstar when I’d seen him in concert, but right next to him in such an intimate setting, he seemed more real, more reachable, more vulnerable.
“Can you write down the words for me, CC?” A lopsided grin tipped his lips.
My mouth dried and I fought an urge to throw the pen and spiral to the floor and kiss him senseless. I wanted to tell him I wasn’t his damn secretary. Instead, I nodded and forced my attention to the paper, jotting them down and letting the chord he played soar into my heart and soothe my racing thoughts.
“I wanted to save you, to give you everything.”He closed his eyes and leaned his face toward the ceiling, adding a few notes that rose only to crash back down into lower registers.“Tried to slow the fall before I hit the ground. Hardened my heart and fell with no sound.”
The next verse followed what I’d just written, but the music stopped, causing me to raise my head.
“Hmm,” he said, frowning as he leaned over, peering at the notebook in my lap. “Trying to decide if I want to bring in the chorus right here or wait a little while.” Butting his shoulder into mine, he turned his body so he faced my direction, one leg crossed at the knee to support the guitar. “What do you think so far?”
“I know I own a radio station, but my degree is in business, not music.”
“Yeah, but as a listener, what are your first thoughts?”
“I like the words, but I think the music is the best part so far.” I tapped the end of the pen against the paper. “I think, whatever you do next, either the lyrics need to be stronger, or maybe the music less…” I cleared my throat. “Less ballad-y, if you understand what I mean. It feels like a love song, but the guitar riffs are heavy.”
He fiddled with the silver nose ring, his eyes staring with a far-away look, as if thinking. “Yeah, that helps. I think I got it.” Craning his head toward the end of the guitar, he tuned a couple of strings then dove into a heavy riff.“Those who love me always leave me, so for once I’ll make it easy. Abandon me, scar me, leave me broken. Prove I’m right and keep on walking.”
I paused my tapping foot. This part was perfect. It seemed to have a balanced blend of heavy rock mellowed out with the heartfelt lyrics.
Paxton kept playing, re-singing the first set of verses, but I replayed what he’d just sung.
Is this why he won’t get a place of his own, why he doesn’t have anyone in his corner? because he’s afraid everything will be taken away?My chest ached for everything the abandoned boy had seen, for everything the grown man had pushed away, for the future his father—and mine—had twisted one way or another.
Our stares locked and I placed my fingers against his cheek, stroking the smooth skin, resting my thumb on the corner of his lip.
He sucked in a breath and froze, the last note lingering in the air between us.
“What you just did right there”—I tipped my chin to the instrument between us—“was really catchy. And the lyrics…”
Unblinking, his gray-blue eyes seemed to devour me. “What about them?” he whispered, a dangerous glint in his stare.
“They’re heartbreakingly beautiful.” And that’s exactly what I saw every time I thought about him. A heartbreakingly beautiful soul trying to find his place in the world, a heartbreakingly beautiful man who kept the boy alive because it was easier to be a child than to deal with the adult world.
He pulled and slipped the strap over his head to lean the guitar against the wall, then wrapped his hands around my head, tugging my face to within an inch from his.
“They’re true. Some days, CC, I don’t know who I am anymore. For the longest time, I thought this life was what I wanted, but I’d imagined it differently. Not every move I make planned out, the management team arranging my schedule and pushing me to do venues I’m not ready for yet.”
“Then say no.”
“It’s not that easy. I just signed a contract with Moshpit Music Label thanks to Jay’s dad getting our foot in the door. A young band like us doesn’t just turn down a deal with MML.”
“But—”
“And even if I did renege, the court costs for breaking the contract would leave me in debt for years.” Moving his hand to my neck, he squeezed gently. “Butyouare the silver lining that’s suddenly appeared in my life. I’ve felt more like myself the past three hours than I have for the past three years.”
I smiled. “Well, glad I can be of service.”
He gave me a shy grin, placed a lingering kiss on my mouth, and pulled me onto his lap.
