Granny pulls me against her stomach. “This isn’t your fault, Jareth. You couldn’t have known about the gravitational effects on a pregnant human. No one did. She’s the first of her kind to carry a Baltin child.”
“It would be a moot point if I hadn’t brought her here against her will.” I cling tighter to the only family member who has always loved me unconditionally.
“You did what you thought was best.” She smooths my hair, the touch soothing, reminding me of when I’d been a small child in pain after countless reconstruction procedures to rebuild my body.
“No,” I whisper. “I did it because I was terrified, weak. I felt inadequate and useless after being captured. Watching Silarrian slice her skin, the knife so close to my son, broke something inside.”
This truth, which I’d been unwilling to face, washes over me in black shades of guilt and shame.
“What you did, considering what happened, is understandable. Everyone wants to protect the ones they love. I of all people know. I risked cloning you because I couldn’t stand the thought of losing my only grandson, even though the replicators are highly flawed when it comes to organic tissue. But you know what?” She pulls back a bit and tilts my tear-soaked face to hers. “Youhavesaved her. Many times. Right now, she needs your love. Tell her everything in your heart, unburden yourself. I think you’re the only one who can bring her back.”
I nod and stand, letting the shame and fear fall to the floor like a dirty cloak.I’ll make this right, Red, I swear it.
“I’ll be in the waiting area.” Grandma gives my arm a firm squeeze. “Bring her back to us, Jareth.”
****
AFTER I ORDER AN ADDITIONALbed brought into the room, I shove it next to Tilly’s and lay down, sliding an arm under her shoulder.
The medical holoscreen, still floating above her body to monitor her vitals, reveals all major systems in detail.
I place a cheek on a pillow and stare at her profile, following the slope of her smooth forehead, to the sharp angle of her nose, to the small mouth always ready to spout such sass and attitude.
“Red, I’m here. I’m not leaving until you wake up.” Carefully, I place a hand on her cheek and rub my thumb against a dark half circle under an eye. “You were right. I’m sorry, so damn sorry. I swear to take you back home, to Earth. I’ll ask Rhys and his people to help me fortify the entire area. I’ll have them build a real house for you to live in, right next to the cave if you want.”
I hug her closer and press my lips next to her ear, needing a moment to get my tears under control.
Her eyelids flutter.
“Please. I’ll get on my knees for you, in front of the entire Henokan fleet, and beg for their help if you’ll just come back to me. I can’t do this without you, without Kaden. I was embarrassed and terrified I couldn’t be the man to save you, who had to be saved himself by his grandma. But none of that matters now.”
I kiss her temple, her cheek, the side of her mouth. Her heart rate increases by two percent.
“My pride and shame drove me away. I didn’t feel so useless and weak up on the ship because I kept myself too busy to examine what I’d done. That led to you being in here, in this hospital bed. I love you more than anything—I hope you know that. I’m a stupid idiot for running, for yelling at you last night, for leaving you alone. Please forgive me. Please don’t leave me alone.”
I watch her vitals on the screen and through the bracelet’s bond.
Nothing else changes.Can she hear me?
With a slight shudder, I release her face and trail my hand to her stomach, pressing my palm gently to the tight flesh. “You have no idea how sorry I am for not porting directly to you yesterday, for running away and missing Kaden’s first kick.” A new sob wracks through my body.
Such sorrow fills my chest, the agony unbearable.What have I done?I’d imagined Tilly and myself doting on our son, filling our home with laughter and games, of teaching him a kinder, gentler way than I’d known as a child.
“Don’t leave me.” I caress her stomach. “I won’t be able to survive if you—”
A soft bump forms under my hand, freezing my thoughts. I barely dare to breathe, wondering if I’m imagining it. Farther down, as if moving, there’s a double thump against my wrist.
I suck in a breath.My son. That’s my son. Moving, kicking,alive.
No longer able to hold it in, I let out a half-laugh, half-sob of joy and sadness and cradle her stomach a little tighter. “I’m sorry I haven’t been here for you, little guy.”
The bump disappears.
I feel such a pang of loss it’s like someone has driven a sharp sword into my chest.
I’ve been so selfish and ignorant.What would’ve been so bad about me asking for help? I know deep down Tilly loves me just as much as I love her. She never gave her heart to Rhys. Would it have killed me to show a little humility and let that big bastard help me keep her safe?
No, but my arrogant, selfish pride might kill her and my son.
