Kayode raises an eyebrow. “An eye for an eye?”
“Pointless. If Augustine had killed him in the moment, that is one thing. If he had even directly come after Quinn when he came here… This is too drawn-out, now. He knows what he wants, and he knows we will not give it to him.”
“We will deal with it, crai,” Afsaneh says. “I also have some vampires who can keep an eye out. Briar and I can coordinate on that, so it is not just one of us.”
“I can, too,” Kayode says.
Elle nods as well.
“Thank you all.”
Briar nods and gets to her feet. “If that’s everything, Elle and I should get back. I want to get this briefing done before daybreak.”
I nod and thank them again as they leave. Kayode follows soon after, and then only Afsaneh and I are left.
“Do you need help with anything else?” She’s the picture of poise on the sofa, and I sigh where I’m standing by the door, having seen the others out.
“Not tonight.” I need to check my emails again, in case anything has come up, though I doubt it has. I must finalise the application for potential chieftains to fill out. I’ve narrowed the list down to three potential candidates, but I’m too tired to go over that with Afsaneh now.
And I neednotto think of Maurice. Not that I can stop. I think he’d be proud of the way I handled things tonight, the conclusions I’ve drawn.
“You’re certain?” Afsaneh’s eyes flick away, then back, holding mine challengingly when she asks, “Not even a more… adventurous donor?”
I swallow hard. I suppose it was too much to believe no one knew about what I was doing before I became crai. I don’t believe she’s worked it out from the time I spent with Maurice. No; more likely anyone who saw us coming back from either night in the park thought we were fucking.
“I—No.”
“I’m not judging you for anything, Njáll,” Afsaneh says. She gets to her feet and approaches me slowly. “As long as everyone agrees, it’s not my business. But I understand that this position requires more discretion in that regard.”
I shake my head quickly. I had Bel come to my rooms a few days ago—he’s a donor I’d spoken to before, but I noticed the way Maurice spent time with him, and that piqued my interest. His blood is fine, and he’s pleasant to speak with. That’s enough.
That has to be enough.
Besides, I don’t know that I can trust myself to chase donors anymore. I don’t know that Iwantto, after having a taste of Maurice.
“It’s really fine, Afsaneh,” I say. “I don’t… It’s fine.”
She smiles tightly. Does she believe me? I truly don’t think she’s judging me for what I want; every vampire but the youngest amongst us has chased down their prey before.
“All right. You know where I am if you need anything.”
“I do. Thank you for tonight. And for your advice in general.”
Afsaneh squeezes my arm and smiles. “I’m always glad to help, crai. We’ll let you know as soon as we have eyes on Augustine.”
That said, she leaves, and I perch on the edge of my desk, looking at the empty room.
It makes no sense, this hollow feeling in my chest. Maurice was not here for long, all things considered, and yet the room feels emptier for not having him in it. If he were here, he would already be sprawled over the sofa, long limbs askew, watching me as I paced and thought aloud.
He would have advice.
He would have taken me to find Augustine myself.
I miss him. I shake my head at the thought, but that does nothing to dislodge the truth of it. Imisshim, and there is a fair chance that, despite everything, I will never see him again. Even if I do… We will not be alone together, I am sure. We will not have a private moment.
I mourn that future—one we could never have—for a few more seconds before I push off from my desk with an irritated growl.
Maurice is gone, and I have work to do.
