Why won’t she admit that she hates me? As she put it, any normal person would. She’s lying to my face. It’s so transparent, too. Does she take me for a thick-skull?
“But not you,” I spit, feeling venomous. “Little Lena doesn’t need time to accept her fate. How extraordinary you are.”
“I know I’m weird. But life has taught me that when bad things happen, there’s no point fighting them. If you just let them happen, a lot of times it turns out they’re not so bad.”
A bitter laugh pollutes my lungs. “Obviously, you never met my father.”
“No. I’ve heard a lot about him, though. From what Oljin said, he sounds... troubled. I’m sorry for all you went through. For the bad things he did to you, and the bad things you were forced to do in his name. They’re not your fault.”
The knot in my chest turns to stone at her attempted absolution. R’Hiza take me, I hate her so much. “Every single onewas a choice. A choice thatImade. Does that help you hate me, knowing I could’ve said no to him?”
“If you could have, you would have. You’re a good person, Lyro, even if you don’t want to believe it.”
Naïve, soft terrakin. She has no idea what I’ve done. How can I make her understand?
“When I finished my apprenticeship, my father had a female kidnapped and brought to the Eye to be my concubine. She was a gift to me to use as I pleased.”
She sucks in a breath, and smug satisfaction settles over me. I knew I could shock her.
“What did you tell him?”
“I told him thank you.”
“But then you kept her safe,” Lena says with absurd confidence.
“No, you little idiot. I fucked her. Many times. Still think I’m a good person?”
“Yes.” This frixing female is going to drive me crazy.
“She was a prisoner!” My harsh words ring between us like a bell, and she’s quiet. Maybe, finally, she understands. But when her voice breaks the silence, it breaks me as well.
“Lyro. So were you.”
Was I?Was I?That feels too simple an excuse.
“What happened to her?” Lena asks, as though I haven’t just told her.
“I used her as I pleased.”
“And then what?” she prompts.
It feels like dragging relics from a buried cache, accessing these memories again. Like hauling stones. I put them away so neatly, I’d almost forgotten about them. Abouther.
“I returned her to her family on Irra. But it took some time. If I’d discarded her too quickly, my father would have been suspicious. Perhaps punished her for not being appealing enough. He let her go only because I said I’d grown tired of her. He offered to get me another, of course, but I said females were too much trouble when I could jerk my cock myself.”
She laughs, an easy sound for a difficult memory. “That’s terrible.”
“I’m terrible. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”
“You’re not.”
“Goddess save me from this terrakin,” I groan, covering my face with my arms. “I take it all back. I have done terrible things, but even I do not deserve this punishment.”
Lena snickers. “You think the goddess brought me all the way across the galaxy to punish you?”
“I can think of no other reason why she would burden me with such an insufferable mate.”
“I can think of a million other reasons. To be your friend. Your lover. Your teacher?”
