“I will speak with her when she is well again.” The drip of the tincture slows, and he caps the vial. He holds it up so the light shines through the murky green liquid. “Would you prefer to administer this, or shall I?”
“I will.” I take it from him, tucking it into one of my sveli pockets. He stands expectantly, waiting for me to dismiss him. I can tell half his thoughts have already left the lab and are onto his next concern. I should let him visit his many other patients. But the hope I felt at seeing my fingers show emotion has grown so much that it presses on me. “There is something else.”
He tilts his head. “Oh?”
“You have mentioned some possible treatment for my...problems. I would like to know your advice on this subject.” I recognize that my tone, stiff and formal, is not convincing, but he lights up blue and green like I’ve given him the best gift he’s ever received.
“Yes!” he crows. “I have done some research in the Archives to identify other cases like yours. There is a great deal of hope that at least partial function could be restored. I can draw up a treatment protocol, if you like. I warn you, it will not be comfortable, but I believe it will be effective.”
I grunt dismissively. “I am used to pain.”
“I know, Jara. I do not relish causing you more.” He looks troubled. “I wish you had asked for my help sooner. Why didn’t you?”
A yawning chasm opens up inside me, a pit of uncertainty. I know the answer, but it feels like a risk to say it aloud. Chanísh isn’t here, I remind myself. This isn’t a test. “Fear, I suppose. Cowardice.”
He makes a noise in his throat. “It won’t be as bad as you think. Like you say, you are used to pain.”
I shake my head. He misunderstands me. “I did not fear the treatment. I feared its success. Part of me did not want to know my own colors.”
He inhales, a soft sound of comprehension. “And now?”
“Still afraid.” My mouth twists into a grin. “Maybe less cowardly. But if you don’t like what you see once you’ve healed my channels, you’ll have only yourself to blame.”
“I’ll let everyone know it’s my fault.” He laughs, and the sound is so open and genuine that it opens something in me, too. A sense of camaraderie, maybe. We twoareour roles, and as a result, we’ve both given most of our lives to our work, saving only scraps for ourselves.
“I am sending you to Olethia for a few weeks to take some time for yourself,” I say more seriously. He opens his mouth to protest, but I hold up my hand to stop him. “Not right now. You have too many patients still, and I need you when we face the Eye in the coming weeks. We must prepare for bloodshed.”
“Bloodshed is my specialty,” he says, nodding.
“Mine, too.”
Chapter 26
Delphie
“How are you feeling?” Nik asks. He sets an overflowing tray on the bed next to me. The rich scent of traxilla stew makes my stomach growl.
I smile sleepily at him, a little surprised that he’s back so soon. I wasn’t sure how we’d left things and wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d slept in the comm room or the warriors’ quarters. “My head is way better. I’m starving, though.”
He nods at the tray, so I sit up and grab the nomo first. He grunts a noise of approval, but he stays standing instead of joining me in bed, even though there’s a second cup on the tray.
“Are you staying?”
“Do you want me to?” he asks carefully.
“If you’re hungry, you should eat. This is way too much for me.”
A soft growl of frustration escapes him. “But do youwantto share lastmeal with me?” There’s something desperate in the question, and I realize he’s trying to assess what’s between us. He’s basically asking me on a date.
“Of course.” I pat the furs. “Eat with me.”
He takes the spot, settling in awkwardly. I hand him the other cup of nomo. Maybe it’ll help him chill out a little bit. I know we have things to figure out, but it doesn’t have to be weird. Not too weird, anyway.
“How was your day?” I ask, sipping from my cup.
He stares into the steaming, pale-tinted water. “Good,” he says finally, gaze flicking up to meet mine. “Better than most.”
My brows jump in surprise. I thought he might be moping or raging, based on our previous conversation. He reaches into his sveli and pulls out a tiny glass bottle full of suspiciously green liquid. He hands it to me, and I roll it in my palm. “What is this?”
