“You say that like a simple answer, but I don’t know where she is. I don’t even know what I’m looking for. An unmarked grave, an urn of dust, a wrinkled old female...it’s not as though I haven’t looked for her. I can’t find any sign of her on any planet. She’s a ghost. Like she was never born. Not even a name in a scroll. Once I apprenticed, my father was done with her. He erased her.” My pigment bladder squeezes, and my pain levels spike, making me clamp my eyes shut.
“Shhh,” Delphie says, rubbing across my chest, petting me like a tame saidal. “Take deep breaths as you listen to me. Can you do that?”
I nod, breath hissing out as I focus on her hands. Her touch, soft and merciless at the same time.
“What if the message wasn’t from Lyro? What if it was fromher? The pendant says ‘I’m real. I’m alive. Don’t forget me.’Ithink your mom is on the Eye, Nik. Your father didn’t erase his concubines. Hetook them with him.That explains why Lyro lives there still. Why he does whatever the High Priest tells him to do. It’s not because he hates his brothers. It’s because he loves your mothers.”
Chapter 9
Delphie
Ican tell he’s in pain, deep pain. He can’t even open his eyes, he hurts so much. I swear, it’s big enough even I can feel it radiating off him. It’s physical, for sure. But there’s a lot of hurt and emotional pain behind it. Every feeling hurts him twice, once in his heart and then again when his pigment system fails to express it.
“Let it show, if you can,” I whisper, doing my best to massage him in this awkward sideways position. “The healer said it’s not good to suppress it all the time.”
“I can’t. It’s broken. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t.” His tone is dismissive, like it’s a done deal. But I remember how brightly colored his skin was when he was dreaming.
“You might still have some function. I saw you change color when you were asleep.”
He shakes his head, pulling away slightly. “It was probably just camouflage. Happens sometimes if the furs have more than one shade.”
I know damn well that none of the furs on my bed are lavender, but it’s not worth arguing about right now. I climb over his legs so I can reach the other side of his chest and start working on it. “What do you think about my theory that Lyro is protecting your mom?”
He doesn’t say anything, and at first, I think he’s ignoring me or in too much pain to answer. But then he says, “It would explain many things about my brother. Many contradictions in his words and actions. Many aspects of his character.”
“So you think it’s plausible that your father took his concubines to the Eye?”
“Yes. I should have considered it when he retreated there. I honestly did not think the High Priest would permit females on the Eye. But maybe it was worth it to him if he could keep an Emperor close.” He cracks open his lids, and I drop my hands, my cheeks heating. I’d forgotten how intimately I was touching him until he looked at me. “My father loved his concubines in his way, as one loves possessions. It’s very likely he used them to manipulate Lyro, and now the High Priest is doing the same, using Lyro’s loyalty against him. After all his lies and bad acts, I never guessed my little brother hadhonor. The realization is a gift, and I thank you for it.”
I should be feeling good about figuring this out, but instead I feel horrible and hopeless. Nik’s mother and the other mothers of the alien kings are probably hostages. Lyro might have to kill Lena when he finds her. And if we find her first, the Head Priest will punish him by retaliating against the moms. “Who cares if Lyro has honor if it’s a lose-lose situation? Either way, if we find Lena first or he does, someone dies.”
“We’re not looking for the terrakin,” he says briskly, pushing off the bed and taking the three steps to the door. I don’t like the way my heart hollows out. Of course, he’s choosing to save his mom, but I didn’t want it to be so easy. He pulls it open and calls Aqen inside.
Aqen comes in looking small, not like his brash, playful self. I try and catch his eye, but he won’t even look at me. He bows to Nik. “My apologies, Jara. I accept whatever punishment you decide. I should not have left Philadelphia unguarded. I shouldnot have disturbed you earlier, but I swear, I did not know you were here. I only heard her cry out and meant to defend her.”
“Enough,” Nik commands, looking disgusted, like someone just took a shit on his shoe.
“I’m taking him with me,” I cut in before he can demoralize Aqen any further. “When I leave, he’s coming, too. You can’t kick him out, because he quits!”
Aqen gives me a panicked look. I probably should have asked him before I quit on his behalf. “If he wants to,” I amend. I’m not trying to blow up anyone’s life.
“I called you in to remind you of your duty,” Nik says to Aqen. “Your quick instinct to defend Delphie was commendable. I wish you to remain as her guard as long as she is on Usuri.”
“Two more hours, give or take,” I remind him.
“You are not leaving today.”
Surprise bursts through me. “But you said—”
“Out.” He motions to Aqen, who obediently leaves, closing the door behind him.
“You shouldn’t talk to him like that. You shouldn’t talk toanyonelike that.”
He pretends I haven’t said anything. “It is not safe for you to leave this planet yet. That was my brother’s message. That is why he had you deliver the pendant.”
“How long do I have to stay here?” I have a sinking feeling I know the answer already.
“Until you are no longer in danger.”
