‘Well, I don’t work in the office,’ Ethan replies. ‘But I do make apps for a living.’
‘Is that a real job?’ Seph enquires. ‘I know Lana is a secretary, or similar, but they have those everywhere. But the app-making side – is that a job?’
‘Where do you think they come from?’ Ethan asks her with a smile.
‘I don’t know,’ she replies. ‘I thought they just sort of… appeared on the phone,’ she says.
‘Ignore her, EPJ, she thinks money grows on trees,’ Chester says.
Oh, so the nickname is happening then. I don’t know if that’s a good or bad sign but Chester only gives nicknames to those who he deems worthy of his time.
‘It’s made of paper, you idiot, of course it grows on trees,’ Seph tells him smugly.
‘It actually isn’t,’ Ethan corrects her. ‘It’s made of polymer now.’
‘Ha!’ Chester says loudly, pointing in his future wife’s face smugly. ‘You’re so out of touch, you don’t even know what money is made of.’
‘So, it’s plastic?’ Seph asks. ‘Because I do a lot of philanthropy, and they say plastic is bad.’
‘I think polymer is polymer,’ Beau chimes in. ‘And that plastic is a polymer, but not all polymers are plastic. What kind of second-rate boarding school did you attend?’
He’s joking – imagine being able to joke about who went to the best exclusive, expensive school.
‘So, really, money is terrible for the environment,’ Seph says. ‘I am a better person than all of you, for not handling it.’
‘Money is bad for the environment, but not in the way you think it is,’ I reply.
‘All right, Lana, can we save your “eat the rich” mentality until after breakfast please?’ Bea insists.
‘Yeah, Lana, it’s a bit of a buzzkill,’ Chester adds. ‘I’ll bet you were on the side of the orcas, when they went on their yacht-sinking spree.’
I mean, I had more in common with them.
‘Lana has a point,’ Beau says, jumping to my defence. ‘Emissions data says?—’
‘Lana, why do you always have to do this?’ Seph asks angrily. ‘We’re just trying to enjoy breakfast.’
Neither the first, second nor third things that pop into my head to reply are very demure so I just hold my tongue.
But, as I look around the table, and notice Beau looking my way, I see him subtly raise his coffee cup to me, as if to say cheers.
I notice Ethan noticing too.
Okay, well, maybe the earl doesn’t think I’m a total loser. I can work with that.
30
I think, if this were any other wedding, then an all-expenses trip to a beautiful country would be a dream come true. But this isn’t any other wedding, it’s Seph’s wedding, and so all of the forced fun beforehand feels like it will be anything but fun.
Today we’re going for a walk in the Blue Mountains National Park.
Here’s another example of how the rich and the not rich differ – to me, walking is first and foremost free transport. To them, this is exclusively a social activity. There’s a big difference between strolling around the most beautiful places in the world while on holiday and hurrying down Briggate on a Saturday morning – stepping over takeaway litter and dodging puke from the night before – because you’re running late.
Still, I’m focusing on the bright side. It’s somewhere I’ve never been, that I would love to visit. And the great news is that because we’re all travelling there together on the same luxury coach, and because Chester and Beau are sitting with their new bestie – EPJ – that means I get to sit with Tiggy, away from everyone else, to talk etiquette.
‘You want what?’ she blurts. ‘You want me to teach you how to shag an earl?’
‘No,’ I say quickly, laughing. ‘I could take it from there – what I want is for you to teach me how to woo one.’
