Chapter 1
March
Ilay in the bath, marinating in water that had long since cooled. I knew I should get out before my lips turned blue, but with every passing shiver I told myself just one more minute. My stomach rumbled as the mouth-watering aroma of Leo’s cooking drifted up into the room. Despite feeling hungry I resisted its lure. Everyone knew how snappy and uncooperative I could be when I had an empty belly, and plying me with food was, no doubt, an exercise in damage limitation. A means for Leo to minimise any scene I might cause.
Leo had been acting strange for days. Ever since his visit to see his brother, Nial, up in Cumbria, he’d been nervous and on edge; nothing like the laid-back guy I knew and loved. I’d asked him what was wrong because he clearly had something on his mind, only to be met with dismissals and smiles that never quite reached his eyes. I thought I’d go mad if I heard him sayI’m fineone more time. We’d been a couple long enough for me to know when he was lying, and recognising all the signs, I had a good idea why. He was getting ready for theit’s not you, it’s mespeech.
As much as it hurt, I had to admit our break-up was inevitable. Leo, the tall, dark and handsome party-lover, was always going to get bored of a plain, but scrubs-up-well-if-pushed, homebird like me. In our thirties, we might be similar in age but personality wise, we couldn’t be more different. While his weekend away had been a chance to catch up with his equally outgoing brother and friends, it had enabled him to get out and have some fun for a change, obviously making him realise what he’d been missing.
I scoffed. No wonder the man had taken to spending night after night teaching the dog new tricks, as if getting Otis to balance a treat on his nose was more entertaining than anything I had to offer.Otis.I would miss that dog too. He and Leo came as a package, and I’d got used to having both of them around. I scolded myself for believing that Leo was in our relationship for the long haul. No matter what people said opposites didn’t really attract.
“Dinner’s almost ready!” he called up.
I frowned as I mimicked Leo’s words.Dinner’s almost ready!I knew I was being childish, but I couldn’t help myself. Usually keen to sample the man’s gastronomic delights, as far as I was concerned that night’s dish could burn. Continuing to avoid the unavoidable, I stayed right where I was.
I sighed. It was okay for Leo. He could scurry back to Cumbria and get on with his life. I, on the other hand, had no choice but to face the fallout. It wouldn’t just be me losing myself in ice cream and break-up songs, my whole family would be seeking solace. The Cavendishes hadn’t only welcomed Leo with open arms, they’d fallen for the man, and telling them Leo and I were no longer a couple was not going to be easy. Mum would be the worst. No matter the issue, she always came down on Leo’s side. I could already picture her disappointment and hear what she’d insist were words of wisdom.
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Cooping yourself up in that shed of yours Monday to Friday, spending your weekends in front of the telly.” Whenever Mum described my life, she always tended to oversimplify. The numerous hours I spent reading, dog walking, or with a sketchpad and pencil never got a mention, while theshed,as she liked to call it, was, in fact, a pottery studio. “A man like that was bound to get bored. As for what you look like…”
I ran my hand through my wet, half-curly, half-straight mop of hair, while my eyes settled on the old jeans and sweater that sat crumpled in a pile on the bathroom floor.
“…a bit of a tidy up once in while wouldn’t go amiss.”
It was not a conversation I looked forward to.
Dismissing thoughts of my mother altogether, I inhaled a huge gulp of air, held my breath, and sank my whole body under the water. I listened to my heartbeat reverberating in my eardrums; a sound I found strangely comforting and womb-like. Concentrating on the rhythmicd-dum, d-dum, d-dum, I tried to empty my mind of woes.
A shadow cast over me and my eyes flashed open as someone grabbed my shoulders and yanked me up from the water. Panic-stricken, my pulse quickened, and arms flailing I attempted to defend myself, until, finally, my assailant let go.
“Jesus, Tess, what the hell are you doing?” The colour had drained from Leo’s face and his shirt was soaked. Standing there, he stared at me horrified, while I stared back gasping for air.
“What the hell areyoudoing?” I asked, coughing and spluttering. I sucked much-needed oxygen into my lungs and waited for my breathing to settle. “Because if you’re trying to give me a heart attack you almost succeeded.”
“I shouted up, but you didn’t answer.”
“I was seeing how long I could hold my breath for.” Putting on a brave face, no way was I admitting to self-pity.
“I thought you’d drowned.” Leo plonked himself on the edge of the bath. He dropped his head into his hands for a moment, before returning his attention to me. “I thought you were dead.”
My eyes widened. “And I thought I was being murdered.”
Leo took a deep breath and exhaled, before standing up again. He picked up my bath towel and opened it out for me to step into. “Time to get out of there, I think. Don’t you?”
I looked at my shrivelled, deathly pale skin and knowing he was right, hauled myself out of the water. I let him wrap the towel around me for what felt like the last time, closing my eyes as he kissed my forehead and squeezed me in his strong embrace. Resting my face against his chest, I could have stood there forever. Unlike Leo, I soon realised, who, after a few short seconds, was happy to let go.
“I’ll see you downstairs, yeah?” he said, turning to leave. He paused in the doorway and as he gave me a final glance, I struggled to interpret his expression. “You’re one strange cookie, Tess Cavendish. You know that?”
Watching him disappear, a wave of sadness washed over me. I wished I could say that we’d fallen out; argued over something to the point of no return. At least then I’d have understood his strange behaviour and neither of us would be walking on eggshells.
Drying myself down, I realised it was time we were both put out of our misery.
Chapter 2
Heading downstairs, I wore my favourite flannelette pyjamas. If I was going to be an emotional wreck, I wanted to make sure I was at least physically comfortable. Having assumed he would be in the kitchen putting the finishing touches to our last supper, I was surprised to see Leo sat on the bottom step waiting for me. Then again, after the bathroom incident even I’d lost my appetite and as I imagined us both sat at the table forcing food down our necks, it felt consoling to know it was a meal neither of us looked forward to.
I slowed in my movements to observe him. Despite what he was about to do, my heart went out to Leo. Hunched forward, he rested his elbows on his knees and his chin in his hands. With his back to me, I couldn’t see his face, but I could picture his forlorn expression. Breaking up with someone was never easy and I knew he’d be hurting as much as I was.
Despite my tiptoeing, a stair creaked to announce my descent. Leo thrust his hands behind his back as he rose to face me and while I wondered what he was hiding, he gave me another of his forced smiles. Appearing as anxious as I felt, he swallowed hard as I approached. “Put this on,” he said, suddenly extending one of his arms my way.
