‘Excuse me?’saidDan.
‘Well you can’t go to Amsterdam without having a look, can you? And we fancied a sit down anyway, so we thought we’d kill two birds with one stone. That’s when Missy told me about this research she’d comeacross.’
Dan threw himself back in his seat. ‘Missy,’ he said. ‘Why am I not surprised?’ He didn’t want to think badly of his mother’s friend, but the more he heard about this woman, the more he struggled to thinkanythingbut.
‘She was tryingtohelp.’
‘Help?’ said Dan. ‘Really?’
He closed his eyes for a second, having an idea as to the kind of research his mother was talking about. The thought of two old ladies, high as kites, while puffing on a couple of dodgy roll ups wasn’t an image he relished. He just prayed that he waswrong.
‘Please tell me you didn’t,’hesaid.
‘What? Smoke a joint?’ askedhismum.
Dan’s eyes widened in anticipation of heranswer.
‘Of course not,’ she said. ‘I’ve never smoked in my life, why would Istartnow?’
Glad to hear it, the relief Dan felt wasimmeasurable.
‘But we did sample some oftheircake.’
Dan stared at his mother in disbelief.Oh, God,he thought.My own mother, doing drugs. He took a swig of alcohol, not sure he wanted to hear the rest of thestory.
‘It tasted much nicer than I thought it would,’ his mum carried on regardless. ‘And you wouldn’t believe how relaxed it mademefeel.’
Dan scoffed. ‘I’ve heard that cannabis does that,’ he said. ‘Not that I’ve ever tried it, my law-abiding mother having taught me to say no when it comes to these things.’ After all the warnings she’d given over the years, the lectures about drug-induced paranoia, personality disorders, depression, and goodness knew what other side effects, surely she had to see theironyhere.
‘More relaxed than I’ve felt in months,’ she continued. ‘And I got my appetite back, something I thought would neverhappen.’
Dan cringed.For fuck’s sake,he thought to himself. Now he pictured his mother with the munchies, could things get anyworse?
‘Which is why we went back later for anotherslice. ‘
Yes, it seemed theycould.
‘Honestly, I almost feltnormal.’
‘Normal,’ said Dan, not sure whether to laugh or cry. ‘You’re telling me that two pensioners stuffing their faces with a class B drug isnormal?’
‘Which brings me to today’s events,’ his mothercontinued.
Dan tried to calm himself. ‘Go on,’ he said. Although it didn’t take a genius to work out what wascomingnext.
‘I just thought if I could get my hands on some cannabis here, I could bake myselfacake.’
‘Jesus, Mum, we’re not talking about nipping down to the supermarket for a bag of flour. Even you must see that. Drug dealers are hardened criminals.’ He sighed. How could she have put herself in harm’s waylikethat?
‘Of course, if I’d known the place was going to get raided, I wouldn’thavegone.’
Dan told himself at least that was something. She hadn’t completely lost hermarbles.
‘I’d have waited,’ she carried on. ‘Or found anotherdealer.’
‘Another dealer!’ Dan had heard it all now. ‘Mum, do you know what you sound like? Not only that, you still haven’t told me how you managed to find thefirst.’
‘Oh, Dan, I’m not totallystupid.’
