Annabel’s shoulders slumped. She’d known all along what Rebecca’s reaction would be, she’d purposefully kept her out of things. Something Katy should have realised, considering her friend knew the woman almost as well asshedid.
‘Really,’shesaid.
‘Only because she’s concerned, although I don’t know why you didn’t come to me in the first place. I am your sister, youroldersister.’
Here we goagain.
She’d never understood why being the oldest had always been so important to Rebecca. Why she seemed to think it made her wiser somehow, that she always knew best; a view that, at times like this, Annabel couldn’t accept. It was one of the reasons their relationship often felt so strained. Rebecca seemed to think her position as the oldest meant she should be the first to have, or experience, anything. And although she knew deep down it wasn’t really the case, Annabel’s less charitable side often found itself wondering if her sister was just jealous; jealous because she hadn’t been the one to be widowedfirst.
‘How could you dream of doing somethinglikethis?’
Again, Annabel sighed. It was a question Rebecca shouldn’t need to ask. Having enjoyed the honour of motherhood for quite some time now, she of all people knew what Annabel was missing out on. ‘I’d have thought if anyone could understand it would be you,’ she said. ‘You’re a mother yourself, of three at the lastcount.’
‘Yes, but that’sdifferent.’
Annabel bristled. It was one thing her sister having an opinion, but quite another to be so righteousaboutit.
‘Why?’ she asked. ‘Because your husband’s alive to complete the perfect family unit, whereas mine isn’t?’ Annabel knew she sounded harsh, but she couldn’t help it. As far as she was concerned, her sister hadstartedthis.
She watched Rebecca shift inherseat.
‘That’s not fair,’ shereplied.
Annabel almost laughed. The way her life had panned out, she couldn’t haveagreedmore.
‘Do you think I want to be in this position? Do you think if I had a choice, I’d want to raise a child onmyown?’
She thought about how different things would be if Tom was still here. For one, she certainly wouldn’t be getting a scolding like this. But he wasn’t here, was he? And although Annabel wouldn’t wish her pain on anyone, let alone her own sister, she’d never stopped wanting to know why, out of everyone on the planet, she’d been chosen to suffer like this. Why, out of everyone out there, her husband had to be the one to die? The two of them had made plans, they had a future. They were supposed to grow oldtogether.
She looked her sister straight in the eye. ‘Not everyone’s as lucky as you are, Rebecca. And yes, you’re right, it’s not fair. Life isn’t. Welcome to myworld.’
‘Annabel, please. The last thing I want to do isupsetyou.’
‘Really? Then why come charging in here like this in the first place? It’s not as if my reproductive system is any of yourbusiness.’
‘Of course it’s my business,’ said Rebecca. ‘You’re my little sister. And if I think you’re about to make some big mistake, it’s my duty to say something. Having a child isn’t a bed of roses, you know. It’s hard enough when there are two parentsinvolved.’
Annabel knew that they were never going to see eye to eye on the matter, and gave up. After all, what was the point? The way Rebecca was going on, anyone would think her brain cells had been buried alongside her husband. Having already gone over all the issues, not only once but numerous times, she could really do without the lecture. Besides, whatever Rebecca had to say, she knew she’d probably already heard itfromKaty.
Refusing to discuss it any further, she got up from the table and put her cup in the sink. She knew Rebecca meant well, but the last thing she wanted was an argument. They were just so different and in so many ways. Admittedly, it was hard for either of them to understand the other at the best of times, let alone over somethinglikethis.
‘Then you’ll be pleased to know I’ve decided against getting pregnant,’ she said, just wanting to move the conversation on. ‘At least for the timebeing.’
‘Yes, Katy mentioned that too,’ replied Rebecca, the relief in her voice more thanevident.
Annabel stiffened, wondering what the woman was playing at. If she already knew about her change of heart then why create all this fuss tobeginwith?
‘You always were a bit impetuous,’ Rebecca continued. ‘At least on this occasion you’re starting to seesense.’
Annabel spun round and told herself that some people just didn’t know when to shut up. Her sister’s words hung in the air between them, yet Rebecca still didn’t seem to realise she’d gonetoofar.
‘What do you mean, impetuous?’ Annabelasked.
Annabel marched over to the cupboard, pulled out a hefty file and slammed it down on the table. ‘Does this look like impetuous to you?’ She opened the file and began turning one page after another, revealing print out after print out, each of them explaining all there was to know aboutthisfertility treatment andthatfertility treatment. Pulling out another big folder, she again turned page after page, this time on child rearing. ‘Welldoesit?’
She watched her sister look from the files, to her and backagain.
‘Look, I’m sorry.Ijust…’
