“No wonder you find it so hard to let your hair down. I suppose your dad thinks that fun isn’t manly either.”
“If I play something, the primary goal is to win. If it isn’t a competition, then there’s no point.”
Pain seeps into her features. “That explains a lot.”
I narrow my eyes at her. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Your response to my comment about your dad yesterday.” She props herself up by an elbow. “You must feel conflicted about him. On the one hand, he’s your dad and you love him. On the other hand, he’s an asshole. Trust me, I understand more than you know.”
Her comment triggers my lawyer brain, which quickly makes the connection between the lottery cards and the paper I found. I’m tempted to present the document to her right here and now, except that I left it tucked under my mattress for safekeeping. I also don’t want to upset her. It’s clear she had unresolved issues with her father, and I have no desire to show her exactly how much he sucked.
“What happened when you didn’t win?” she asks.
“A variety of punishments. My favorite was the silent treatment because at least I didn’t have to listen to him critique my performance in excruciating detail.”
“Good grief, Charlie. That’s monstrous. You were a kid. You didn’t deserve to be treated like that.”
I stare into the darkness, remembering how trapped and helpless I felt when being subjected to one of my father’s ‘helpful’ critiques. I’d leave a game walking tall, only to be reduced to the size of an ant by the time the car rolled into the driveway.
“The messed-up part of it is that I thought the whole thing was normal. That all parents were as tough as mine.”
“Your mom too?”
“They tend to operate as a team when it comes to parenting, so it’s hard to know when they actually disagree.” Either way, she was complicit in his behavior.
Cricket strokes my arm. “You deserve to feel joy, Charlie.”
“Why?”
“Do you need a reason?”
“I’m not the sugar glider-saving man you think I am.”
“Of course you are. I just witnessed it.”
“It’s out of character for me.”
“Helping another human being in need is out of character for you?”
“It is when there’s no payoff.”
She shifts position again, and I become acutely aware of the length of her body alongside mine. I’d managed to avoid it until now. My heart beats faster and I try to slow it down through sheer force of will.
“Are you trying to tell me everything with you is transactional? Because I don’t believe that.”
“You barely know me,” I say.
“Then educate me. Tell me something about you that I can’t observe with my own two eyes.”
“You mean your own two fully functional eyes?”
She elbows me in the ribs.
I fix my gaze on the eggshell white ceiling. Anything to avoid looking at the woman next to me. “If I don’t get this promotion, then I’ll be a failure, and my mother and father will feel like they failed as parents.”
“Can’t you get a promotion next year if you don’t get one this year?”
“It isn’t about that. It’s about bragging rights. This year is an achievement. Youngest lawyer in the firm’s hundred-year history to make partner. Next year, I’d be tied with the youngest.”
