Ben: Okay, win over a bird without sex, gifts, or romance. Brilliant.
Samantha: Don’t call her a bird
Ben: FML
Samantha: You’ll be great!
Samantha: …Just keep texting me.
Samantha: LOL
____
Ben: Is she a coffee person?
Samantha: I think so?
Samantha: But it’s 7:30 in the morning?
Samantha: WTH??
Ben: Swinging by to see her before the expo
Samantha: No surprises! No swinging by!
Ben: Fine I’ll text her first.
Ben: Feels lame though
Samantha: At this point whatever you’re feeling, you should probably do the opposite.
Ben: But look at this gift
Ben: [photo]
Samantha: BENEDICT NO. NO GIFTS! WHAT’S IN THERE
Ben: I’m not telling
Samantha: DO NOT GIVE HER PANTIES
Ben: Stop yelling. Not all small, flat rectangular boxes are undergarments.
Samantha: HIGHLY SUS
Ben: Goodbye now
[Ben has muted the conversation]
Samantha is wrong about this gift. I had my lawyer break out the legal document into layman’s terms, section by section. I added bullet points and lists and made everything as crystal clear as possible. I added tabs, color coding, and bound the pages in a lay-flat spiral. I believe Janie will actually love this gift.
Especially now that I know more about her.
She told me herself her childhood was chaotic. She just didn’t say that the chaos was thanks to her mother.
Her father, son of the grandmother who raised her, was a staple in Juniper Falls. He owned a small business, had a seat on citycouncil, and even had a side street named after him. His heart attack was a shock since he was only forty.
Janie’s mother—a stunning Jamaican woman thirteen years younger than her husband—couldn’t handle a three-year-old and one-year-old on her own. Seems Janie’s brother inherited the disease of addiction from her. She has been in and out of rehab—and Janie’s life—since.
