“You know, Samantha always said you and Skye were people watchers and I thought she meant, you know, out bloody shopping, lurking in cafes studying strangers.” I don’t interrupt because he wants me to. He wants to change the subject. “Fine. I do…look after my mum. My father was always completely absent, no shocker there. But Emerson was reclusive, caught up in his own head. Byron is oblivious. She…struggles.”
“What do you mean?”
“She had a sister, my aunt. Younger, they were close. She died when I was in primary school.”
I interrupt, “That’s what we call elementary school, right?”
He frowns, “I think, yes? I was about ten.” I nod and wait. “Well, they were close and it was sudden. My aunt was her person. I’m not sure, looking back, that my mother had anyone else, since I’ve explained how people are in our circles. AfterAunt Elizabeth died, she went into a deep depression. The kind where she couldn’t get out of bed. I had to beg her to eat.”
“Youhad to get her to eat?”
He barely nods, looking out the dark window but clearly seeing his memories play out instead of the city lights passing by.
He inhales then explains, “Like I said, I was the only one. I would read to her, try to get her to talk, to laugh. Some days I…hell, there were a couple days I couldn’t wake her up.”
His jaw locks.
I grab his hand, he lets me, but he doesn’t squeeze my fingers.
“Ben, I'm so sorry. That’s way too much for a child. You werea child!Is that what triggered the attacks?” I ask.
He shakes his head, “Those were later. She came out of the depression eventually. I think Anya, our cook—and really mum’s right hand, as far as the staff goes—saw me trying and eventually called the physician. I think Mom started on meds but I never saw any pill bottles. She was fine for years but then in year 9 of school, I was a teen then, Emerson had an accident.”
“He did?” I’m surprised I never heard about it from Samantha.
“Mhm. Set Mum off again. He was in a bad way in hospital and she would get home from visiting him and just weep. And I needed to fix it, to help her.”
It clicks then. The moment outside of Gran’s room.
“It was my sobbing,” I say.
He exhales, sounding annoyed. “Apparently. I thought I was over it. I mean, hell, it’s been over a decade.” A muscle twitches in his neck.
“Wow. That is heavy.”
“Yes and it’s your turn now,” he says back to me, sounding angry. I frown and he adds, “What’s really going on with you and Skye?”
I shrug, since it’s nothing compared to having to be the entirety of a parent’s emotional support as an elementary school kid.
“We just broke up, I guess.”
His head jerks back, “What d’you mean, broke up?”
“I mean we aren’t best friends anymore.”
“You had a row?” I stare for a second until he clarifies, “A row, you know, a fight?”
“Oh, kind of? Not really? I mean, she told me to quit bailing people out. It made her mad that I kept helping Theo for a while after the break up. Sent money to Juniper Falls and drove home to help friends again and again. Helped my brother over and over. This last time, I didn’t explain to her what happened with Jack. I… I was going into crushing,crushingdebt bailing him out, and she was inviting me to, like, freakingcaviar tastingsand other froufrou crap with all her married couple friends. I said no a few times and then she just stopped inviting me.”
“Didn’t she move away?”
I nod, “She told me that she was moving a thousand miles away over a random text after weeks of no contact. That was kinda the nail in the coffin for me.”
“Hm,” he says.
“Ugh, I feel like a baby. Poor me not getting invited to stuff. That’s nothing compared to panic attacks.”
“Pain is pain, yeah? She was your best friend.” His voice is softer when he responds, “Thing about the attacks is…I’ve been around crying before, sisters, women. No one has ever affected me other than my mother.” He looks down at our hands, then away. “Only you.”
