They fall silent, and I suddenly wish I could see their faces. I can’t tell if it’s a good silence or a bad silence.
“I’m a coward. I’m an asshole.”
Signs for the next exit flash by, and I spot one with a hotel. I need to get off the road before I get too distracted by this admission.
“I should’ve told you my plans first, not let you find out through the grapevine. That’s partly why I called tonight, to let you know I finally got the balls to ask Chief if I could have my job back. I didn’t want you to find out from anyone else.”
I blink against the neon lights as I pull into the parking lot of a decent-looking place. All the things that want to be hidden are thrust into view. Nothing can hide from the harshness of the light.
“I thought I was following a dream. And I’m sorry I hurt our friendship in the process. There’s more to it, but I needto speak to Maggie first, if she’ll even talk to me.” Fire burns in my gut at the prospect that maybe she won’t, and maybe they will refuse my apology, but the simple fact that they called when I texted gives me a sliver of hope.
I kill the engine and wait for a response.
“That’s it?” Kate asks.
“No.” I swallow thickly and pinch the bridge of my nose. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” The words come out on a tremble.
“Are you… crying?” Cal sounds like he’s teasing, but I’m such a mess, I can’t be sure. “There’s no crying in baseball.”
Kate groans. “This is the whole problem with you emotionally stunted assholes. You make a joke out of everything. Let me show you how it’s done. Listen and learn. Jackson, you apologized. Thank you for that. It doesn’t change the fact that you hurt our feelings when you pulled that bullshit, and I don’t know if I want to punch you or hug you. But I do care about you, and I’m glad you’re coming home.”
“Yeah, if you get reassigned at our station, expect to do all the chores for a while as penance for being such a dick,” Cal jokes, obviously as uncomfortable with this conversation as I am.
I just breathe for a minute, soaking in the words and the knowledge that my friends will continue to give me shit, but it sort of feels like they forgive me.
“Are you going to call Maggie?” Kate breaks the silence.
The other massive question of the day. One I don’t know the answer to. I owe her so much more than a phone call. “Not yet. I don’t know what to say to her, and I think I need to see her face so I can beg her forgiveness if I have to.”
“Aw. It’s cute that you think it’s gonna be that easy. You must be blinded by love.”
Is that what this emptiness inside me is? Love, or the absence of it?
I sit staring at the front door of the hotel, not really seeing anything but the image of Maggie’s stricken face as I left that night. She knew I was leaving and never once tried to talk me out of chasing down a dream. It was the look on her face when she found out the why behind the dream that haunts me. I don’t know if she’ll ever forgive me for not being honest with her.
“Why’s it suddenly quiet?” Cal asks.
Running a hand down my face, I try to wipe away the image of her tear-stained face. “I, uh, stopped for the night.”
“So what are you going to do for your grand gesture?” Kate asks. “You know she loves a good romance book, so you better make it good if you want to win her back.”
“Just friends, my ass,” Cal declares. It’s low, but it’s quiet enough in the wee hours that I hear him. “You two were never friends, even I could see that,” he says, louder now. “Kate’s right. Whatever you do better be good. Jules says Maggie looked like she’d aged ten years, especially after her mom and sister left the other day. The next step is her glow up, and then all bets are off on her finding some other guy to fill your shoes.”
“Her mom and sister were there?” If they were mean to her, I’ll… but if I’d been there, I would’ve known, and I’d be able to comfort her. And then the rest of what he said registers, and nausea rolls through my gut. Dammit, I fucked all the way up.
Maggie doesn’t need a damn glow up. She’s perfect just the way she is. And fuck that on some other guy swooping in. Maggie’s mine.
“You need to talk to her,” Kate says quietly. Like sheknows more than she’s letting on and won’t tell me the details.
Fuck.
“I don’t know that she’ll listen to me.”
“Maybe not.”
I glance at the clock. I’ve still got two days of travel left, which puts me back in town by Sunday, her one day off. An idea forms, and once it takes root, I can’t let it go. It sucks to have to ask this question, because if I hadn’t been such a dick, I’d know the answer.
“Kate, do you and Maggie happen to have plans this weekend?”
