“I see no reason to wait a year to separate.” His words were cold and emotionless. There were no signs of the man that shehad spent the last week with. “We will separate once we return to London.”
“We agreed to stay together.” She couldn’t believe her own ears and hoped that he was playing a cruel jest on her.
He sighed like he was weary of their conversation. “A moment of weakness on my part.”
She pressed her lips into a thin line, trying to control her anger. “Do you think you can abandon Maggie, the child, and me like we are nothing?” Pippa flung her hands in the air, exasperated with him. “What if I am with child? Will you cast us away so carelessly as well?” She challenged him, her hands balling into fists, her blunt nails piercing her palm.
“I realize I was careless, but you can be assured that I will provide for you and our child if there is one.” His gaze shifted, avoiding eye contact with her.
“That is very kind of you.” She swallowed down her sadness.If there was a child.She shivered at the thought, feeling foolish for trusting him, for believing in him. “I assure you, I do not require assistance, Your Grace.”
The small satisfaction she gained from his flinch at her use of his title, did nothing to numb the pain his words had caused. She wanted him to hurt like she was in that moment. Feel what she had felt the past nine years of her life.
“I’m not doing this to hurt you. I’m doing this to protect you!” He ran his hands through his hair, pulling at the strands.
“And what will you do while you’re protecting me?” she asked, finding his answer preposterous.
“I will suffer. It’s what I deserve …” Chauncey trailed off, looking down at the carpet.
He seemed like a little boy lost, alone and afraid in the cruel world, but he wasn’t alone anymore, and he needed to figure that out for himself.
Rubbing at her exposed neck, Pippa sighed, her legs feeling like liquid. “Punishing yourself will not bring your mother and Amelia back. It won’t change anything of the past, but it will alter our future forever.”
“We have no future if I can’t protect you from men like my father. Men like me,” he said the latter part in a shaky, self-loathing voice.
“Stop it! You’re nothing like him.” She protested, shaking her head. Panic rising in her chest, she needed him to understand what he was doing to them, to her.
“I am him!” He pinned her in place as he took slow, measured steps toward her. “I ignored my own mother and sister. Even after my father died, I still refused any contact.” He chuckled darkly, the sound void of all emotion, so unlike him. “My sister told me of my mother’s death. Then she died a few years later. I did nothing but gamble and drink my sorrows away.” His hand ran down his weary face, his bloodshot eyes wide and filled with pain.
“You were hurting, but you don’t have to hurt anymore.” She placed her hand to his cheek, wanting to believe that her Chauncey was still inside of him.
“I married you to pay off my gambling debt?—”
“Stop it.” She begged, knowing she couldn’t take any more. The logical part of her knew he was only saying things to hurt her. But her fragile heart wasn’t practical in the least and only remembered the heartbreak of believing in him once before. It wasn’t his fault, that was true, but he had never fought for her, for their friendship, and definitely not for love.
“You need to know who I really am. I owe nearly five thousand pounds to Reaper, the owner of Sinners Gaming Hell.”
He pointed to himself, hard fingers digging in his chest. “That’s who I am, Pippa. That is the man you married.”
Her mouth opened. She couldn’t comprehend his words. “R-Reaper? That was the name the highwayman used.” She hadn’t recalled the name at all, so lost had she been in him and the castle.
“Yes. I agreed to pay mine and Bollingbrook’s debts, and the only way to do that was to marry.” Cold eyes snapped to her, and for a moment, she thought she saw a crack in his façade, but then it was gone.
Holding her head high, she refused to show any signs of weakness. “Thank you for telling me, Your Grace. I do understand. I mean nothing to you.” She swallowed down the sob that threatened to come out. It was a struggle to consume air. Everything hurt; her limbs, her head, and her heart were all in excruciating pain.
She had felt this way once before when she thought he was the father of Maggie’s child. Now, knowing her own naiveté, everything was magnified.
“I’m doing what’s best for you.” His shoulders sagged. “I’ll only fail you,” he whispered, his voice barely recognizable, so full of pain and tears.
“You already have.”
Each step she took was heavy, like she was walking in water. Her labored breathing was the only sound in the long-deserted halls of the castle. Her mind was set; she wasn’t going to ride four days in a carriage with St. Clara, not after the way he’dbehaved. She had to return to London, to her laboratory, her aunt, and normalcy.
It had taken her less than a fortnight to believe he had the strength they needed to get over their past. Staying and hoping he would come back to her was pointless. The urge to stay and wait for him to realize that they were better together than apart was strong, but she couldn’t.
Pippa wouldn’t allow him to destroy what they had found again after being separated by his father’s lies. The only way for her to move forward with him was to leave him. She prayed it would not be forever, but unlike last time, she wouldn’t shut him out completely. This time, a more mature Pippa would simply wait elsewhere for him to see how his decisions would ruin them.
Reaching the kitchens, she gave the servants who eagerly greeted her a small smile. The castle may have been beautiful and enchanting, but it was the people who made Archer a home. It was a small staff, but they had all eagerly worked to accommodate her and St. Clara.
