Her cousin and Remington had dallied before their nuptials, but she was too good and wholesome to do what Julia had done in the library. No, between the two of them, Livie was a saint and would never do anything of questionable character.
Julia, however, did not hold the same beliefs. That night in the library was her only chance at knowing real passion. She gave herself over to it, knowing she’d not have the opportunity again.
“Darling, you know you can tell me anything.” Livie squeezed her hand, and that small movement gave her strength.
“I know. I just don’t want you to think poorly of me.” Julia confessed her biggest fear.
Livie was the one person who had always accepted her, no matter what. How would she feel once she learned that Julia had marital relations with a man that was not her husband, while she was supposedly courting someone else?
“I would never.” Livie gave Julia’s hand a slight shake.
A lone tear escaped her defenses and ran down the side of her cheek. Damn her tears, damn him for putting her in this situation.
“Is it St. Clara?” Livie asked, filling the silence. “Whatever you decide, we will handle the scandal. You do not have to marry him, Julia.”
Julia’s head snapped up to find Livie looking at her with what could only be pity. She hated that look. She didn’t need it, nor did she want it. “I-I’m going to marry St. Clara.” She hated herself for stuttering because she had made her decision.
“Oh, when you said you had something to confess, I assumed that it was about not wanting to marry St. Clara. If you are afraid of another scandal, don’t be. We will face it together, as a family.”
Julia stood up and started pacing back and forth, not believing what she was hearing. “No, I want to marry him. I’ve agreed to marry him.”
“You’ve agreed? But you haven’t announced anything. Surely you can still call off this courtship?” Silence filled the room as the two cousins stared at each other.
Livie stood from the bed and blocked Julia’s pacing. “I’ve also noticed that Heartford has been attentive toward you of late. I thought perhaps there was something developing between you again. A chance at renewing your affections.”
Julia froze, glaring at Livie, that one sentence sending her into a fury. “You thought something was developing between us? What? I should just fall at his feet and forget everything that he did to me three years ago?” she yelled, anger making her irrational.
“Julia! You forget yourself.” The two of them stared at each other, their bodies rigid, fists clenched. They hadn’t had a disagreement since they were girls fighting over dolls. “I simply thought he was the reason for you being so upset this past fortnight.”
“Even if he is the reason why I’m upset, it doesn’t mean I would take him back. He ruined me, Livie, and the fact that you think I could get over it so easily hurts me.” Julia pressed her hands to her chest. The tears that had been threatening to fall for the last fourteen days fell freely.
“I am not trying to hurt you. I am saying that I have noticed there is something still lingering between you. If there is a hint of what you had with him, surely you shouldn’t marry someone else, no matter what you agreed to,” Livie said softly, but her words did nothing to cool Julia’s temper.
“It’s not that simple, Livie! Everything is not perfect for everyone else as it is for you!” Julia screamed, a thousand emotions running through her. She couldn’t bear it anymore. The weight of her grief crumpled her to the floor.
“I know it seems like everything is so wonderful for me, but if you stop being so blinded by the past, perhaps you will find exactly what you think I have that is so wonderful!” Livie raised her voice, displaying the depth of her emotion.
“You have no idea what you’re talking about. I can’t have what you have.” Julia could barely see her cousin through her watery eyes.
“Do you love Heartford, Julia?” The question hung in the air for a moment that stretched on for an eternity.
Julia couldn’t answer that question, didn’t even want to think about it. “I can’t believe you would even ask me that. He left me, Livie.” The words came out on a sob. “Left me, as if I meant nothing to him.”
The door to the adjoining room opened. “What’s going on in here?” Remington stood in the doorway, looking from his wife to Julia. “Don’t upset her. You know she’s in a delicate condition.” His voice was firm, his eyes hard.
Julia ignored him and walked over to where her ribbons and hair combs sat on the vanity. “I’m going to finish dressing in my room, Your Grace.” She rushed to the chaise to pick up her gown.
“Julia, don’t leave upset,” Livie begged.
“No, Livie, you have disregarded my feelings.” Julia clutched her hair combs to her chest and walked to the door.
“I’m not. I understand how you feel, truly I do, but at some point, you have to forgive.” Her cousin paused for a moment then said in a near whisper, “Both yourself and him.”
Julia ran out of the room, tears clouding her vision. It seemed that she and Livie disagreed more and more sincehehad returned to town. The truth of the words cut through her like a sharp blade.
How could she forgive him for leaving her? Or herself for allowing him to have such an effect on her?
She couldn’t do either.
