“Oh,theLord Heartford? How scandalous!” Lady Jerzy placed a hand to her bosom. “I would be thrilled to have an African gentleman attend the Assembly Rooms. People have been talking about Lord Heartford’s friend for a sennight now. I do not believe I have one person of color in my acquaintance. Of course, I would love to meet him. Please bring him. We would be honored to have you all at least this one time. Any further admittance would of course have to be approved,” Lady Jerzy stated, her voice firm. Her eyes locked on Livie’s to ensure that she understood her meaning.
Livie clasped her hands together and smiled. “How splendid, thank you so much for inviting us. I look forward to attending in a fortnight.” She stood and smoothed out her skirts before she walked over to the bell pull. “I must beg your pardon, but we are having a dinner party. I really must get the household in order. There is much to be done.”
“My invitation must have been lost in the post, I assume.” Lady Jerzy rose, her head tilted in challenge. The corners of her lips dropped in an unagreeable scowl.
“Oh my lady, you are more than welcome to attend, but I am sure you have other engagements. I dare not think you would be available on such short notice,” Livie said in an apologetic voice.
Dayton entered the parlor and bowed. “Your Grace.”
“Dayton, please escort Lady Jerzy to the door.” Livie turned to her guest. “Please do send word if your evening frees up. We would be happy to add you to our guest list without hesitation.”
The lady placed her hand to her chest. “I would never come to someone’s house the same day as the invitation.”
“Of course not, but the invitation stands if you become available,” Livie reminded her in a friendly gesture. Julia, however, would not have been as friendly to the rather pushy woman.
“Good day, ladies, thank you for receiving me.” Lady Jerzy followed Dayton out, leaving the cousins alone.
Julia couldn’t help smiling. Pippa had been right; this did change things for her. An invitation to Almack’s, coupled with her courtship to the Duke of St. Clara, would surely turn Henry upside down. A restored reputation was just what she needed to show him she had moved on.
“That went rather well.” Livie picked up a sweet and popped it in her mouth.
“I’m not walking five times around Hyde Park with you because you think you’ve gained weight,” Julia reminded her cousin.
“Very well. Next time, can you not mention such topics in front of gentlemen? Besides, Remington has forbidden me from doing too many strenuous activities.” Livie sat for a moment before picking up another tart.
The last time her husband had forbade his wife of something, she was …
“Why? The last time you were forbidden to do any activities you were with child!” Julia’s eyes widened. It hadn’t been that long since Freddy was born. Surely, Livie couldn’t be already.
“Stop it, Julia! Such things should not be spoken about in public.” She had turned a bright shade of red.
“We’re not in public, Livie. It is just us alone in the Duchess Parlor.” Julia leaned closer to her cousin, intent on confirming what she knew to be true. “Are you?”
Livie looked at her out of the corner of her eyes. “I have been feeling slightly under the weather, but we are not certain. Since we are alone, tell me, what really is going on with you and St. Clara? Are you pretending to be together to make Heartford jealous? I know you don’t fancy the duke in that way. Though I’ve never understood your friendship with him.”
Julia sighed, knowing she wouldn’t be able to lie. “I’ve agreed to marry St. Clara.” The words seemed unreal when spoken aloud, like a dream she’d wake from at any moment.
There was a time she had longed for a love match. Reading the scandal sheets to Livie and reliving every detail of their debut ball and her instant attraction to Henry had been highlights of her first Season. From the moment their eyes locked, she had known that they belonged to each other.
How very wrong she was.
Henry was a buoyant, happy, cheerful seven and twenty. She found his joyful personality refreshing compared to her more erratic one. Their love happened fast, like a carriage going downhill at an unbearable pace. It consumed her. And now, she only wanted to forget it—forget him.
She just wanted to be left alone to her own devices, to paint, to travel, to be her own person. St. Clara’s proposition would afford her that, would give her the freedom she craved, from society, from … him.
Livie gazed at her, biting the corner of her bottom lip. Her gray eyes that were always filled with affection for Julia were now full of pity. She hated that look, had seen it too many times in her young life. She knew her cousin didn’t approve of her marrying St. Clara, but really it was Julia’s decision, not hers.
“Julia, you do not love St. Clara. I do not mean to be cruel, but I do not think he loves you either.” Livie had never said truer words, and Julia tried to ignore how much they bothered her.
“No, I do not love him, but Livie, I am tired of it!” She raised her voice, the gravity of her situation over the last three years exploding within her. “I’m never going to marry. No one is ever going to fall in love with the ruined ex-fiancé of the Marquess of Heartford. This is my choice. I know what I’m doing.” She hated that her voice sounded so desperate, but she needed Livie on her side. “I know what I’m doing. Can’t you just be happy for me?”
Livie was silent, then she released a long breath. “I can’t be happy for you, Julia, not when I know the true benefits of a love match. Marriage isn’t about deals and settling. It’s about love, Julia. About being happy with the one person you want to be with more than anyone else in the world.” She stood and looked at her cousin. “I don’t think you should marry St. Clara. I think you both love other people, and this little agreement of yours is a way for both of you to deny your true feelings.”
Julia raged inside. Standing, she glared at Livie. “I don’t love anyone else. There is no one else for me, Livie! Henry ruined any chance I had at happiness, or a love match, three years ago! This is the best decision for me. I won’t be a burden any longer to you or Remington or your parents.”
“I want you here, Julia. I thought you wanted to be here. You’re not a burden to your family. We love you, but choosing to marry someone you do not love will only hurt you in the end.” Livie turned toward the door. “I must go. There is work to be done.”
Julia stayed after her cousin left, confusion and sadness running through her. They rarely ever quarreled. Damn it! Why couldn’t Livie see this was the only way for her to be her own person? There was no one for her. There was no love match, no passion. There was no choice but St. Clara, a friend who she liked and laughed with—who she didn’t love. At one point in her life, love was all that mattered.
