Once Phineas was on his arm, Iain paused and gave Seraphina an uncertain glance, as if to seek reassurance. Andher heart swelled. Damn the man for being endearing. Wishing she could be annoyed at how swiftly he was burying himself under her skin, she found she could only smile.
“He won’t bite,” she called out in encouragement. “I swear it.”
Pressing his lips tight, he nodded and held the strawberry out for Phineas.
The parrot cocked his head before, reaching out, he took a delicate bite of the fruit. And the delighted look Iain shot her way had her body going soft and warm all at once.
More than that, however, was the tingling in her chest, as if something had been awoken in her that was both foreign and achingly familiar.
Flustered, she called Phineas back to her. “Mayhap it’s time to leave,” she mumbled. Then, turning to Phineas, she ran a finger over his crown before saying, “Fly free, love.”
Giving a gentle nibble to her finger, Phineas eagerly took off, making for the clear blue sky above their heads. She watched him go, heart aching with envy as it did every time he soared for the clouds, as if there was no care on earth that could touch him. She never failed to wonder what it would be like, to leave everything behind, for there to be nothing but open space between you and the earth, to feel the wind in your face, to defy gravity and justbe.
So engrossed was she in watching Phineas and wishing she could join him, however, she did not immediately hear Iain sidle up beside her.
“What an experience that would be,” he murmured. “Would that us humans could have such freedom.”
She glanced at him—more from shock that his words so clearly mirrored what was in her own heart—and was in no way prepared for just how close he was. Which, of course,threw her completely off-balance. She reached out to catch herself, grasping onto the nearest solid object—which happened to be his chest.
Of course it was.
To make matters worse—so much worse—he reacted automatically as well, his arms snaking around her waist to steady her. Her body came up flush against his, her breasts pressed into the broad expanse of chest that just that morning she had run her fingers and mouth over. In her shock she did quite possibly the stupidest thing she had ever done: she glanced up, her gaze clashing with his.
Eyes the color of misty moors were no longer cool but unbearably hot, causing that private juncture between her thighs to turn molten. She forced herself to breathe, trying with all her might to dispel the sudden aching desire that permeated every inch of her body. But it only managed to increase her awareness of him as the heady, spiced scent of him filled her up, bringing her back to that early-morning kiss.
“My God,” he breathed, his heavy-lidded gaze snagging on her mouth.
“My God” indeed.She swallowed hard, her fingers unconsciously clenching around his lapels, as though some part of her dreaded him trying to pull away. And no logical voice in her head could impel her to let go. Probably because that logical part of her was growing weaker and weaker the more he held her against him. Perhaps if she had not given in to desire for him that morning she might have been able to fight it better. But as it stood, the memory of being held in his arms was too fresh, too potent for her to brush it aside with any ease.
But brush it aside she did, though it was quite possibly the most difficult thing she had ever done.
“Your men must be waiting for us,” she managed, forcibly straightening her fingers and taking a purposeful step back. She cleared her throat, wiping her hands on her skirts, trying not to notice the way his arms remained outstretched, as if beseeching her to step back into their embrace. “We’d best gather up these things and return before they come in search of us.”
“Aye,” he mumbled before, giving her a long look, he turned to pack up the picnic things. And as Seraphina assisted him, she sent up a silent prayer that they did not find another full inn at the end of their day’s journey. She did not think she would have the will to ignore her body’s urgings again, no matter she knew better.
Chapter 19
But no matter her prayer was somehow answered—an impressive thing, truly, as her faith in a higher power was horribly lacking—there was no relief for Seraphina. Rather, she felt only a vague sense of loss as she stood with her back to the closed door of her room at the Berwick-upon-Tweed inn later that evening and stared about an interior that seemed lacking for all Iain was missing from it.
It was not as if they did not share a space, of course. Iain had secured a suite of rooms this time, larger even than her home back on Synne above the Quayside, with a spacious shared living space bookended by two well-proportioned bedrooms. Yet she felt as if an entire continent stood between her and Iain. Especially as she had no intention of leaving her room all night long.
Busying herself with seeing that Phineas had a bowl of clean water to wash the dust of their travels from his feathers, she then did the same for herself, undressing andsinking into the copper tub that had been set up before the cheerful little fire. She was sorely tempted to lose herself in the warmth of the water and let it ease the soreness from her muscles and her heart. God knew she needed it. But after that first night on the road, when Iain had unexpectedly walked in on herau naturel, she was not about to chance it again. It was difficult enough keeping herself from going to him while she was fully clothed; the temptation was so much worse with nothing at all between them but charged air.
Finally clothed again, this time in her modest nightgown, she sat before the fire, brushing her damp hair out to dry. Phineas, done with his own bath and dry himself, rolled and hopped about on the coverlet, wrestling with small bits of felt and bells she had sewn together for him, the cheerful jangling and squawking at complete odds with the turmoil within her. She knew what had to be done, of course. They had to continue on, head for Edinburgh and proclaim to the Court of Sessions that she was alive and well so the divorce could go through. They had to finish what they had started and release themselves from this lodestone that was pulling them under with each passing day that they spent together.
Yet she could not help the part of her that mourned, especially now that the truth was out and she had gotten a bit of Iain back again.
For a moment fury and heartbreak overtook her. Her father had stolen so much from her and her sisters. He should have loved them, cared for them, and instead had treated them as no better than the bitches in his kennel. For her own sanity and her sisters’ happiness she had done her best to put him behind her; it was the only way to moveforward, leaving the past horrors in the past, spending most of her energy on the future. It was bad enough that her father infiltrated her nightmares; she would not allow him to steal any more of her life from her.
Now, however, she was forced to confront the true extent of her sire’s cruelties. Iain had been a victim, too, as well as the future they might have had together, the life they might have lived, the children they might have had… She had grieved before, of course, when she had believed Iain had betrayed her. The grieving now, however, was so much different, so much sharper, the blade of injustice fairly slicing her to ribbons.
She pulled harder than necessary with the brush, yanking on a particularly stubborn snarl of hair until tears came to her eyes, as if the pain of it could replace the pain in her heart. They could not return to that time, she told herself fiercely. No matter how cruel that truth was, there was no denying it. She knew that, and he finally accepted that. Which, of course, should make it easy.
Yet it didn’t. In fact, now that he was not opposing her, she found it was so much harder to keep heading for that horizon.
Her hair just about dry, she began to wind the long tresses into a thick plait. Which, of course, snagged Phineas’s attention. Flying to land on her knee, he played his usual cat-and-mouse game with her hair, reaching for the strands as she wound them about one another. She laughed softly at his antics before, smile falling again, she sighed heavily.
“I thought this trip would be so easy, Phineas,” she said softly as she took up a piece of ribbon and tied the end of her plait together, then pushed it over her shoulder.
