“You cannot mean to cut me from your life, Father,” she said quietly. “I’m your daughter. We’re all the other has.”
She thought she saw him falter, and hope bloomed bright. But in the next instant, he shook her hand from him. His face turned openly hostile, a furious flush coloring his cheeks.
“You think that means anything to me, girl?” he snapped. “You have always been a burden, and now you’re an embarrassment as well. I’m done with you.”
He stormed out the door, leaving Lenora alone in the middle of the room, her heart breaking for the second time that day.
Chapter 30
Almost immediately, Lady Tesh and Margery hurried in, worry clear on their faces.
Lenora tried for a smile but couldn’t manage one. “Were you standing at the door listening?”
“Yes,” Lady Tesh said baldly.
“Oh, my dearest,” Margery cried, rushing to her. “I knew Sir Alfred was a cold man, but I never believed he could be so cruel.”
Lenora sank into her friend’s embrace, the events of the day crashing down on her head. Hot tears threatened as she pressed her face into Margery’s shoulder.
“That damned idiot,” Lady Tesh spat, glaring at the door as if she could incinerate him at a distance through pure intent. “Well, my dear, you are well rid of him.”
“Poor Lenora,” Margery cooed into her hair. “You’ve had so much heartache. If only Hillram had lived and you had married. You would even now be living a happy life with him.”
Her friend’s well-meaning words, spoken in that painful moment, finally broke Lenora. “But I did not want to marry Hillram!” she cried, tearing away from Margery.
The two women stared at her in openmouthed shock. Lenora’s shock was just as great. What had she done? She had spent so many years pretending, for the sake of everyone else, for the sake of Hillram’s memory. Now the words were out and she could not call them back.
But did she want to take them back? As horrifying as this moment was, she felt lighter now that the truth was finally out.
“Whatever are you talking about?” Margery demanded. “You loved Hillram.”
“I did,” Lenora said, slowly and carefully. “As a friend, and nothing more.”
Margery stared at her in stunned incomprehension. Lady Tesh, looking no less shaken, placed a hand on her granddaughter’s arm when she would have spoken. “Margery, perhaps you’d best ring for tea. Or better yet, go into that sideboard there and pull out the sherry. I do believe we may have need of it.”
Margery did as she was bid, and they were soon seated in a small circle, overlooking the rose garden. As Lenora settled into a chair, she had a flash of memory, of Peter hefting this same piece of furniture and placing it here their first night at Seacliff. Her fingers curved around the arm.
They sat in silence for a time, drinking, each of them seemingly more than happy to put off the coming conversation. Finally, their glasses drained, Margery turned wary eyes on Lenora.
“I believe now is as good a time as any, dearest.”
Lenora swallowed hard. Her relief that she no longer had to pretend did not make the telling of it any easier. “Next to you, Hillram was my dearest friend. But that was all he was to me. I didn’t love him. Not in the way you loved your Aaron.”
Margery was shaking her head. Her fingers, clenched tightly on her empty glass, turned white. “Why did you agree to marry him?”
Lenora shrugged helplessly. “It was expected. And I thought I would grow to love him. How could I not? He was kind and loving, sweet and charming.”
“But you did not.”
Lenora shook her head, her eyes falling to her lap. “No,” she whispered. “And each day it grew harder and harder to pretend.” Tears burned and she squeezed her eyes shut. “He wanted so much more from me than I could give him. It killed me inside to smile when he talked of love, to welcome his kisses when inside I felt nothing. I knew I could never reciprocate his feelings. The day of his death…”
Her throat closed tight. She swallowed past the grief. “He’d begun to grow frustrated with me over my lack of…enthusiasm.” Her face heated, remembering the hurt in his eyes when she’d flinched from his touch. “I don’t know what made me finally snap. But I suddenly couldn’t take the pretending a moment longer. I told him—” Her throat closed again. She cleared it and forced herself to finish, needing to purge it after so long. “I told him I didn’t love him in that way; that he was my friend and nothing more. That I only accepted him to please our families. He was so hurt, so angry. He left without a word. And then he tried to make that fool jump on the way home. When I think of his face when I was called to Danesford, the pain in his eyes, how he held my hand as if he would never let go—” A sob broke free. She pressed her knuckles to her lips. She had no right to cry over him. She had broken his heart.
But Margery was at her knee, tears tracking down her pale cheeks. She grabbed Lenora’s hand and held tightly, though Lenora tried with all her might to pull away. She did not deserve the compassion of this woman, Hillram’s cousin, who had loved him so well.
“No, Margery…” she choked.
“You listen to me,” Margery said through her tears, her grip strong. “You are not responsible for my cousin’s death. Hillram was wonderful, yes, and I adored him. You know as well as I that he was maddeningly optimistic and the most forgiving man in existence. I’m certain that before he had even made it down the drive, he’d already forgiven you and made plans to win your love. That’s who he was.”
