Lying there together on the comfy couch, just soaking in the closeness was really nice. It wasn’t something I’d thought I’d ever really have, or at least I’d never craved it like a lot of people did.
I’d showered after I got home, so when I turned my head to kiss Carter’s jaw, he chuckled and cupped my ass through my threadbare sweats.
“You starting something, baby?” he rumbled.
I grinned and nipped at his chin. “I dunno. Am I?”
With a happy growl, he flipped us until he was hovering over me. “If you don’t want to be fucked on this couch, you better move, now.”
I sucked my bottom lip into my mouth and tried to look as if I was considering my options. Then I reached my hand between us and cupped him through his sweatpants.
“I think here’s fine.”
Chapter 24
Carter
Despite Hawk stating firmly that he wasn’t moving in, a fair number of his things had made it into my house. More than a week’s worth of clothes took up one side of my closet, his toothbrush and razor lived on one side of the bathroom counter, and his e-reader sat on the other bedside table. Not that we did much reading in bed. We used that time for other things.
He'd been spending more nights than not with me, sneaking out of bed in the wee hours to make it to the ranch early. It had become a routine, in just a couple of days, for me to sleepily try to coax him to stay, even though we both knew he wouldn’t. But I loved the playfulness of it and that it had become a thing.
I hoped to have many more “things” that were just ours.
Two months ago, I would have never imagined this was where we would be. But I was grateful for it. He was young, yes, but far too mature for his age. We fit well in that regard, and though wedidn’t always communicate perfectly, we were both striving to do better.
The only problem was, I was at loose ends.
I couldn’t drift forever. Sure I had money to spare and would probably be fine for the rest of my life, as long as I didn’t suddenly have a mid-life crisis and blow it on sports cars and island homes. I was, at times, impulsive, but even that was far beyond my practicality. So I wasn’t worried about being able to live comfortably for the rest of my life.
But I was only forty-five, and despite needing the time off after I left Omicron, even before Ramona and Hawk, I’d been getting antsy. That feeling was growing again. As much as I helped out at the ranch, and loved it, I couldn’t do that forever either. I needed something to occupy at least some of my time. I just had no idea what.
Hawk had been out of bed before six that morning, but I’d lingered for a couple of more hours before starting my day. I made my coffee to-go and headed to Colorado Springs. I’d spoken to Jenn the day before and she was all too happy to have me involved in the Blue Creek Ranch Halloween Extravaganza. I’d heard the capital letters when she said the name, and while I wasn’t sure itwasactually called that, I enjoyed her amusement when she said it. She hadn’t hesitated to put me on pick up duty, gushing about how it would help so much, since they wouldn’t have to schedule it into someone else’s day. When Hawk had arrived last night, he’d been towing a small flatbed trailer, which he then hooked to my Jeep.
This year, the Harringtons were adding several twelve-foot skeletons to the decorations.
I’d seen them before, and honestly, I was surprised they didn’t have them already. When I expressed that, Jenn’s bright peal of laughter had me smiling.
“Oh, no, dear. Threemore. We already have seven. Fern has outfits for some of them. You’ll see when you get here.” She chuckled again. “But really, thank you so much for going to pick them up.”
It took me a dozen or so miles to get used to driving with the trailer attached. Mostly, I just had to remember it was there and not pull in front of anyone without ample room. I found a spooky playlist on a streaming channel to get into the mood as I drove.
My destination was about an hour and a half away. Even though the music was fun, it didn’t hold my attention enough to not let my brain drift. Honestly, my professional future had been on my mind for days. There had been at least once that I thought Hawk would bring up my preoccupation, but he must have thought better of it or changed his mind, because he never mentioned it. I was glad because I had no idea what I could even do with my life.
I knew I didn’t want to get back into the corporate sector. Icould,and make a killing doing it. But it was more important to me to stay in my new home, and frankly, this part of Colorado just didn’t have that kind of infrastructure. Not unless I wanted a several hour commute every day. I didn’t want to spend hours traveling since it would cut into my time with Ramona and—more importantly—Hawk.
But that was all I had done for the past twenty years, mini retirement notwithstanding. I wasn’t incapable of learning a new job, and I wasn’t opposed to a new career path either. It’s possible that if I actually took the time to look, I’d find a job that would suit. The problem with that was that anything I did would take me away from Hawk. Even if I managed to find something that was strictly remote. It still meant logging in and being away from him for eight plus hours a day.
In just two months, I’d gotten so used to spending at least part of my day on the ranch, and at least seeing Hawk, that I didn’t want to lose that.
There was a part of me that was stuck on this. It was almost as though I couldn't move forward with my future with Hawk unless I figured this out. How could I expect him to count on me if I wasn’t settled? How could I dive headfirst into life with my man if I didn’t have a plan for this part of me?
And I wanted that future. We were still taking things slowly, and that was fine with me. Whatever he needed. But I was all in, ready to ride this ride until the end, whatever it looked like. I just needed to figure out my professional life so I could have it.
Thankfully, I had plenty of time to mull it over on the drive to Colorado Springs and back.
Juanpablo sent up the alert as I pulled up to the house, and Jenn bounded out the front door to meet me. Instead of directing me, she pulled open the passenger door and hopped in, pointing toward the first barn.
“Head that-a-way, my dear,” she said, grinning. “Fernie is meeting us.”
