“Okay,” I breathe, my pulse mellowing, my eyes slipping shut to images of this man in my arms. I think I can see it. Our life. If I try, I think I can. “Yeah. Okay.”
Chapter 36
Caspian
The first snow falls on a Tuesday.
They’re fat flakes, dropping slowly from the sky. I watch them from the window as Lee tells me about his senior-year student that tried the age-old excuse ofmy dog ate my homework.
“If his dog ate that tablet, you bet your ass the vet in town would have known about it. And considering Emmeline’s wife hasn’t heard a peep, I’m guessing the kid simply forgot. Come to think of it, I’m not even sure he has a dog. Caspian? What’re you doing?”
“Watching the snow,” I tell him, looking back as Lee walks across the kitchen, the dishes from our dinner cleaned up.
He wraps his arms around my stomach, chin over my shoulder as he peers outside. “The snowflake dance is this Saturday. Are you coming with me to chaperone? You can be my date.”
I feign a sigh. “If I must.”
He snorts, knowing I’m happy to join him. “What do you think, movie before bed?”
“Sure.Let’s do it.”
We settle on the couch in the living room, Shelly joining us before long. Lee looks offended when she chooses my lap over his, but he pets her all the same. He flips through a selection of old, outdated movies, stopping on one and raising an eyebrow in question.
I can’t stifle my laughter.
“What?” Lee looks genuinely confused. “A Worthy Deceptionis a great movie. Ezra Gold? Iconic actor. And Grayson Fox? Hot. They’re brilliant in this, too. Did you know they announced their relationship right before the premiere? Surely you’ve seen it? It’s a classic, old or not.”
“Oh, I’ve seen it. Andlivedit.”
Lee looks from me to the movie and then back again. “No. No fucking way.”
“Yes.”
His mouth drops open. “For fuck’s sake, tell me I wasn’t Grayson Fox. I cannotbe attracted to myself.”
Lee looks horribly concerned for the entire half minute I can’t stop laughing. He groans, slumping on the couch. Finally, I’m able to put him out of his misery. “You were Ezra.”
“Oh, thank fuck.” He scrubs a hand over his face. “Gold and Fox. Holy fucking shit.”
“Still want to watch it?”
“Are you kidding? I need to watch their entire catalogue again. MyGod, Ezra Gold was such a ham. I’m kind of embarrassed for myself.”
Lee shakes his head but starts the movie, peppering with me a million questions as the opening credits roll. My smile is wide, my eyes, more often than not, on Lee instead of the show.
He’s still muttering to himself two hours later when we get up off the couch, the hour late. Lee starts turning off lights, but I pause in the back hallway, looking out the glass-paned door. The snow has stopped, a fine dusting on the deck and over the top of the trees. The stars are glittering tonight, so vibrant I can feel their pull.
“Hey, Lee? I think I’m gonna…”
I mean to saystep outside, but my voice doesn’t come.
Lee calls my name, sounding very far away. “Caspian? Am I losing you?”
Arms come around me as I sink to the floor, the stars swirling, swirling, like water down a drain. I blink, everything hazy and then sharp, and—
“Knock, knock.”
I still the motion of my hand, the water in the tub continuing to swirl. “Come in.”
