“Who is he?”
“Who?” Her gaze shifts around the room, as if these walls will give her more insight.
“The man from work,” I grind out.
Her expression changes from confused to annoyed. “You mean the man who I was talking to outside my building this evening? I assure you, Finn and Kody must have blown that encounter out of proportion if this is your reaction.”
“Who the fuck is he?” My fingers ball into fists.
“Nobody. We work at the agency and occasionally cross paths. That’s all.”
I’m not buying it. “What’s his name?”
“Devlin Doyle.” She slumps back on the bed. “For god’s sake, Cian, did you really wake me up in the middle of the night to question me about a co-worker? You don’t actually think—” She cuts herself off, her gaze sweeping over me from head to toe. “Are you accusing me of cheating on you?”
I clench my jaw. It’s all the answer she needs.
Ravenna grabs the battery powered bedside clock and hurls it at my head. The thing narrowly escapes my skull, crashing against the far wall.
Pink blossoms in her cheeks. “How dare you?” she shouts at me.
“How dare I?” I feel my own temper rising and do nothing to suppress it. “You’re the one chatting up strange men in front of everybody.”
“Chatting up strange men? Really?” She glares. “Let’s address what this is really all about. What’s really going on here.”
“Oh? And what’s that?” I narrow my eyes at her.
“You don’t trust me because you can’t let go of what happened with your ex.”
I flinch as though she struck me. Her words burrow deep, right into the heart of my tainted soul.
She’s right. I have no reason not to trust her. Not now. Not after everything we’ve been through together. But I can’t shakeoff the past, no matter how hard I try. My fears are so deeply rooted that they’re impossible to pluck out.
When I don’t respond to her accusation, she says, “For themillionthtime, listen to me. I’m. Not.Fiona. Her and I arenothingalike. I’d never cheat on you. I’dnever hurt you like that.” She sighs, the fight leaving her body. “You need to see a therapist. I hoped you’d do that on your own, but that’s just not happening. You need to talk to someone about this, Cian.”
I shake my head. “I don’t need a damn therapist. What happened is not anyone else’s business.”
“Can’t you see that it’s a poison to our marriage?” She says so low I have to strain to hear her. “It will ruin us. We can’t go on like this forever. The nightmares, your suspicions and inability to trust me. You need help.”
The sadness on my wife’s face causes a spike of pain through my heart. She’s right, of course.
But I can’t imagine talking to anyone, even a stranger, about what happened to me. I’d be too raw, too exposed, and worst of all, they’d see me as not only weak but stupid. I was tricked into thinking I was in love with a woman. Betrayed by not only her, but my very own flesh and blood. So damn naïve that they should have just killed me.
Supposedly, it wasn’t all a lie. Right before I killed Fiona with my bare hands, she said she loved me in the beginning. Then she met my brother and fell for him. That the heart wants what it wants, and I shouldn’t hold that against her. She even said she was sorry as the light left her eyes.
Even though Ravenna and I have been married for a few years now, I keep worrying, in the back of my mind, that she’s going to change, like Fiona did. She’ll love me up until the moment that she stops loving me.
I’ve been waiting for that moment since the second my wife got under my skin.
Maybe I should just accept that she’ll be my ruin one day. Until that time, I should treat every moment with her as my last.
“Did you hear me?” she asks, studying my closed off expression. I’ve been standing here like a statue, processing, thinking.
I nod. Some of the tension leaves my shoulders. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
“Will you see a therapist?”
“I can’t.”
