Killian flashes me another of his creepy smiles as he leans back in his chair.
With that, I’m shown out of the room. A short meeting, but I guess we all got our points across.
Though I have a feeling this won’t be the last time I cross paths with a Monahan.
CHAPTER 37
Ravenna
The scorching Italian summer sun beams down on us. Today we’re all gathered for Sophia and Roman’ssecondwedding. Somehow they made up. Seems like they’ll get their happily ever after, after all.
After the ceremony, everyone mingles. I find Elena hovering on the outskirts of the crowd.
“Do you think you’ll come home now?” I ask her, picking up from our earlier conversation when she told me she was doing better, feeling happier these days.
“Actually, I wanted to talk with you about that.”
“Yeah?” Hope blossoms in my chest. I’d love for us to live in the same city again. I miss her. She’s been gone for far too long.
“I’d like to stay in Italy indefinitely.” She squeezes my arm when my smile drops. “I’m happy here, Ven. This place has become my home in a way that New York will never be. That city is tainted for me and I never want to go back.”
“I see.” Disappointment hits me hard. “What do you plan on doing here? Do you want to marry, start a family of your own?”
She grimaces. “No. But I have my hobbies. I like to read, and I’m even thinking about writing a fantasy novel.”
“Oh? We’ve never had a novelist in the family.” As long as she doesn’t just wither away in our great aunt’s house, I’m happy for her and her pursuits.
“I’m actually pretty excited about it. It’s an epic Romantasy. I know you don’t read much fiction, so don’t worry I won’t make you read it.”
“I don’t read a lot of fiction these days, but I’d still love to read your book. I’m sure it will be brilliant.”
A faint blush touches her cheeks. “Maybe. We’ll see. I’m not sure if anyone’s first book is any good.”
“All that matters is you’re happy, Elle.” I mean every word.
She grins. “For the first time in a long time, I am. I’m content with life. How about you?”
“I’m content.” I haven’t confided in my sister about the challenges I’ve had around getting pregnant. Or the feeling of being shunned by Cian’s Irishmen. Nor the sense I have at times that I’m drifting through life and one day I’ll wake up an old woman with nothing to show for the years I’ve lived on this planet.
Worse, it’s been many months since I told Cian that I’m healthy, and not the reason we haven’t had a child yet. He keeps insisting that he’ll get checked out by the doctor, but at this point I’ve given up asking him about it. Does he not care, or is he afraid to learn the truth?
I understand him well enough to know that he’s most likely afraid of letting me down. I wish he knew that’s not possible. Even if it’s only the two of us forever, I’d be happy with him. Though he won’t believe that.
We regularly have sex. So that’s good. Outside of the bedroom we’ve fallen deeply into our individual routines. I wouldn’t say our honeymoon phase is over, we’re crazy for each other, especially between the sheets. More importantly, myheart still skips a beat whenever he looks at me like I’m the center of his universe.
“I thought you’d have a million Irish-Italian Catholic babies by now,” Elena teases, unaware of my internal frustrations.
I force a smile. “We’re still working on that. One day. Hopefully soon.”
“What else have you been up to?”
“Not much, honestly. I miss the days of renovating and decorating our home. That kept me busy. I’m not sure what to put my efforts into these days.”
“Is there anything you want to do? Anything you’re passionate about?” She plucks an hors d’oeuvre from a passing tray and pops it into her mouth.
In all honesty, I’m passionate about making a comfortable and beautiful home for me, Cian, and our children. I’mpassionateabout raising a family. Which has completely stalled out.
With no hope of starting a family on the horizon, I think it may be time that I turn my focus onto something else. But what would give me a sense of fulfillment?
