That kiss melted my resolve faster than you can saywhiplash.
That kiss was my undoing.
He clears his throat, drawing my full attention. “I was engaged once. Years ago. It was a love match. Or so I thought.”
I hold my breath, hoping he’ll tell me more. I’m desperate to understand him. Every clue he reveals about himself is another piece to the puzzle that is him. I want to see the full picture.
“Long story short, she was in love with my brother, and the two of them wanted me out of the way. They betrayed me. They…” he clears his throat again, and I realize it’s a nervous habit. “They did all of this to me.” He gestures to his body. “I miraculously survived. Then I killed them both.”
Oh. My. God. My heart wrenches. I reach for him, caressing his cheek, but don’t dare speak. Afraid that whatever I say will scare him into silence.
“After that, I never wanted to marry. I didn’t let anyone close to me ever again. I most certainly never wanted a wife.” His eyes squeeze shut. When he opens them, gazing down at me, I see his inner struggle. “But now I have you.”
Marrying me has forced him to face his fears.I’mdoing that. This must be difficult for him. I can’t imagine being in love, then betrayed like that, to swear off ever having someone in my life again, only to end up in an arranged marriage with a stranger, who is also my enemy’s daughter.
“I don’t know what to do with you,” he admits, caressing my hair. “You don’t know me yet, but I’m the kind of man who’s loyal to a fault. I take my vows seriously. I’ll never stray from you. I will cherish you, if you’ll let me. We obviously have a passionate physical connection. But I don’t think I can ever fully trust you. Trust isn’t in my nature any more. Maybe with time… but I doubt it.”
Guilt coils around my chest, squeezing the air from my lungs. I’m a living, breathing lie. I lied to him the very first moment I saw him, and now there’s no way to come clean. We’ve reached a tentative peace since last night and I don’t want to ruin it. There’s no way forward other than to keep to my not-so innocent deception.
If I tell him the truth now, he’ll definitely feel betrayed, lied to, and he’ll return me to my father. Without my virginity, Papa will sell me as he won’t be able to marry me off.
I mentally shudder at the thought.
A far worse future awaits me if I speak the truth now. Cian can never know that I’ve deceived him. It’s as simple as that. But from this day forth, I will only ever be honest with him about everything else. He deserves that much.
“I understand.” Lacing my fingers through his silky hair, I pull him in for a kiss. “I am also loyal. Fiercely loyal to those I care about. Protective as well.”
He entwines our fingers. “I have no doubt about that. When you get upset, you’re like an angry badger.”
“What?I am nothing like a badger. Take that back this instant.” I try and fail to hold back my grin.
He smiles, the expression transforming his entire face, softening the edges. My heart skips a beat. “Never. I like badgers.”
I laugh. He nips at the corner of my mouth.
My stomach rumbles, drawing our attention.
Heat warms my cheeks. “Dinner was a long time ago and we’ve been quite… active.”
“Yes we have.” His smile widens and he rolls off of me to call for room service.
Last night and this morning are a one-eighty from what happened on our first night here. Well, except for the destruction of clothing, and the sex, but that was delicious both nights.
I like this version of Cian much better than the previous one. He gives me hope for a brighter future together.
Maybe this wasn’t a huge mistake after all.
“Do you have any other family?” I ask. We’re wearing white fluffy robes at the breakfast table and I’ve already devoured my weight in pancakes, eggs, and bacon. “I mean, besides your terrible brother.”
He swallows a piece of sausage before answering. “Yeah, a bunch of cousins, but we’re not close. They’re too straight and narrow for my side of the family. Ma died giving birth to us, and Pa spent the rest of his short life in prison. My brother and I were never close. I should have seen his betrayal coming.” He glances away.
“Wait, giving birth to both of you? You’re twins?”
“Yeah. I’m the oldest, and my brother was always envious of me. He didn’t think it was fair that our birth order determined who got to inherit the leadership role.” He features harden. “I didn’t realize how much he wanted me out of the way until he betrayed me like that.”
My heart pinches. My twin and I are so close, I can’t imagine either of us turning on the other like that. Family is supposed to have your back, to be your support system, but it sounds like Cian never had that.
While I feel sorry for him, these insights also enable me to better understand him. I have my twin and my cousins, we’re close, but Cian has never had anyone. At least, not family.
