“No, man. It’s really quiet here.” I take a deep breath in. “Very peac?—”
A loud thunk outside stops me mid-word.
“What?”
“Hold on, Jethro. I’ll call you back.”
“Wha—”
I don’t let him finish and hang up because I see…a ghostin my backyard. A figure in a white sheet crosses the yard and drops said sheet to reveal an equally white naked body.
What the actual?—
I run to the back, down the staircase, and outside just to come to a screeching stop. There’s someone there, all right. But it’s not a ghost. A woman with long, red hair covering her completely bare back, but not long enough to cover her naked ass, is standing in my yard. She places the sheet she had wrapped around her body on the ground. Her pale skin glows nearly translucent under the bright moonlight.
As I’m preparing to scold whoever she is, the woman bends over to spread something that looks like a blanket on the ground, fixing the corners.Whileshe’s naked.
What is happening?
I stride toward the intruder who is inmybackyard—my backyard with a six-foot fence around the perimeter. By the time I’m out my door and running toward her, she’s already sitting on the ground with legs crossed. Her arms are raised in the air, her head thrown back.
“What are you doing here?” I bark when I’m about twenty feet away from her.
She shrieks, jumping in the air and pulling her long hair over her chest. Thank fuck because I don’t need to be accused of something I didn’t do while this looney is the one who should be charged with indecent exposure onmyproperty.
“Who are you?” she cries out.
“Me?” I circle her figure, still sitting on the ground, and come to face her.
She lifts up her knees to her chest and crisscrosses her feet, taking a pose of a sitting embryo. Her hair coversher like a blanket. It’s long and lush, so it covers enough for me not to have to avert my eyes.
“Yes, you.” Her chin goes up. “What are you doing here?”
“I live here,” I reply, pouring as much poison into my voice as I can. So much for spending the first night in my new house peacefully.
“Here?” Her right red brow goes up, and I wonder if it’s her real hair color. On cue, without being able to control it, my gaze drops down. Her now both raised brows are a clear indication that she’s noticed. “You pervert!” she yells, pulling all her hair to her front.
“Me?” I yell back. “You’re the one sitting buck naked in my backyard. Put the damn sheet back on.” My finger points at the white pile by her side.
“I can’t!” For some reason, she’s yelling too. Somehow, in the span of a minute, this whole situation has turned into a yelling match.
“Why?” I match her volume.
“Because I need the moonlight to touch my bare skin at midnight,” she explains in an arrogant tone, like this knowledge is so common only idiots are not aware of it. Which is me, I am the idiot.
I rear back, stunned. “This can’t be happening,” I mumble, shaking my head, then add louder, “Go to a different place.”
“I can’t. I’ve planted peaches in my backyard,” she nods at the only neighboring house hidden behind a very tall fence, “and they cover the sky now.”
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I take a few deep, calming breaths. “Why did you plant the damn peaches if you knew they’d cover your yard?” I find myself asking without even wanting to know the answer.
“Because they are peaches.” Her bare shoulder shrugs, moving the hair a little and exposing more of her skin. A dangling necklace with a long, pink stone between her… well, breasts… moves to the right, distracting me from yelling.
Dropping my hand down, I stare at her. “Is that your house?”Please, tell me you’re renting it and planning on moving out.Jonah said I have sweet neighbors, and this does not constitute as ‘sweet.’
“Been in my family for generations,” she explains proudly. “As it will remain for many more to come.”
I turn away, placing my hands on my hips. I lift my head to the sky and ask the universe why this is happening to me because I’ve already paid my dues.
