What I didn’t prepare myself for is the witch who dives right under my arm and takes the last strawberry milk from the shelf.
“Excuse me,” she says politely like she didn’t just push all my weight away to grab the box.
“What do you mean ‘excuse me’? I was getting that.” I nod at the box in her hands.
Her eyes follow my gaze. “Oh, this one?” She lifts the box in question in the air. “I have it now though.”
“Yes, you do.” My teeth clack together. “Because you grabbed it right from under my hand.”
She shrugs with a big smile and heads down the aisle. Desire to follow her and rip that carton from her hands is strong, but I take a deep breath and go to find someone who works here because I need that milk.
A kindly looking lady maybe in her sixties is stacking some cans in one of the aisles.
“Excuse me, ma’am,” I start as I walk up to her. “Could you please help me?”
She pauses with her hand halfway to the shelf when she turns to me.
“Oh, my,” she purrs in an unnatural voice. “You arethatman.”
The way she saysthatmakes my skin crawl. Like she’s talking about something I don’t know but everyone else does. Suddenly feeling uncomfortable in front of this lady who’s barely five feet tall and many years old, I start backing away.But I’m a second too slow because the lady’s hand shoots up toward me and grabs my arm. My bicep, to be precise.
“Oh, my,” she keeps talking. “You are indeed a stud. Everyone’s been telling the truth.”
Everyone’s calling me a ‘stud’? What type of twilight zone is this?
“And look how strong that muscle is. Do you work out?” She giggles. “You must. With a bicep like that.”
Her small hand with a surprisingly strong grip roams around my arm, making it hard to focus because I’m desperately looking for an escape. I don’t recall being in a more uncomfortable situation, and I’ve seen plenty in my thirty-four years.
“You are almost as big as my third husband. But he wasn’t big enough,” another giggle, “so I found the fourth one.”
Trying to discreetly shake her hand off doesn’t work because she’s holding for dear life. To say I’m confused would be an understatement. The small town I grew up in was a prude one, and we didn’t have cute old ladies groping people in grocery stores.
“Ms. Lenny,” comes a soft female voice, barely containing laughter. She doesn’t use that voice with me. “How are you this fine day?”
“Oh, Nora, dear! I didn’t see you over there.” ‘Ms. Lenny’ loosens her grip on me but doesn’t totally release it.
When my head whips around searching for the voice I didn’t think I’d welcome, I must look really desperate because Nora cackles and walks up to us.
“I wanted to ask you for some help if you don’t mind,” she says, glancing at me with a wide smile.
“Sure, honey. Do you need help lifting some of that heavy stuff,” the old lady gestures at Nora’s cart, “to your car? ’Cause I’ve just got a solution for you.” She starts flashing her lashes in my direction. “Our new residentfeels,” she gives mybicep a squeeze, “like he’d be very capable in that department.”
Nora’s snort is loud enough to be heard back on our street. “This is exactly what I was looking for actually.”
“Good, good!” The old lady drops her hand, and I feel instant relief. But not for long. Because she grabs Nora’s hand and places it right back where hers was a moment ago. On my bicep. And it starts burning right through the flannel. “It’s time for you to think about your eggs.”
If I wasn’t staring at my neighbor’s face, I wouldn’t have noticed her quick eye roll—a moment of annoyance before placing her friendly smile back on. “Thank you, Ms. Lenny, for always thinking about my eggs.”
What are they talking about? I look at Nora’s cart, and yes, she indeed has two boxes of eggs. But why would she have to think about them?
With Nora’s hand still on my bicep, Ms. Lenny ushers us away. Without either of our carts. I must admit though, my neighbor’s grip doesn’t feel so disturbing. It feels… okay.
Shaking my head, trying to get rid of the odd thought, I step to the side of her, making Nora drop her hand.
“Thanks,” I say gruffly.
“Yep.” She waves at me and goes back to retrieve her cart.
