“Goldie,” he whispers as he collects my tears with a tiny cup. “You are the most beautiful creature in this world, and I will spend my days in our home gazing upon you in awe and reverence for the rest of our days.”
It’s some kind of perverse proposal, but I don’t want it.
Something builds in me, something I’d been suppressing for far too long. A power I never let myself take control of, but I’d tasted it once.
As Lysander brings the cup to his lips, I say, “No.”
He pauses. “What?”
“No,” I say it louder this time. I repeat myself, the word coming out clear as a damn bell. I pull something up from inside me, a voice I’d ignored for all my life. The one that puts me first, the one that knows when to tell people to fuck right off because I don’t need their negativity in my space. It’s what I should have said to Madison and all her friends.
No, I don’t accept your treatment, I don’t accept your view of me. I know who the fuck I am and I do not require your approval.
I’d only lived parallel to this doctrine when my parents and Astrid help me come alive again to pursue my interests whether it was fashion, different college majors, or different men trying to find the perfect one for me. But in the background was this gripping fear that I still needed the approval of those around me, that if I didn’t work my ass off to earn it someone could come along and wipe me off the face of the earth.
I refuse to put his feelings first. Ted knew, he pointed out how I never could just say no and stand behind that. I’ve been too busy making everyone more important than the one who matters most, me.
But now that I faced that very thing, I decided I refused to be a slave to Lysander’s approval. He would not have my heart because I refuse to give it.
“No, you can’t have my heart, you sick fuck. You don’t deserve it and I won’t allow it.”
Lysander holds my gaze a moment before he tips the cup back.
Chapter43
No Means No
TED
“No,” I cry out, but I'm too late. I want to scream, rage, let the darkness inside me off its leash so I can maul him to death. Put her back to rights. But drugs still course through my system, weakening me.
Goldie blinks at Lysander.
I realize I’m holding my breath until a glazed look comes over her face and she smiles at Lysander. Not just a smile, she glows at him in that way she’s only ever done for me.
Lysander sighs in contentment.
The beast shreds my hearts with his claws, leaving nothing of me left behind. If there is no Goldie, there is no me.
There’s no way Lysander is going to let me go. He’s going to get rid of me then lock Goldie in a closet somewhere so he can admire her like a private treasure.
Then Goldie says in a dreamy, far-off voice, “What would make you happy, my everything?”
A strange half giggle, half squeal comes out of Lysander as if he’s positively giddy to have gotten what he wanted.
“To gaze upon you is heaven already,” he finally says.
“Oh okay, I’ll just sit here then,” she says, settling into her seat and casting a hundred watt smile at him.
Something vibrates and I realize it’s Lysander’s phone. He removes it from his back pocket, glancing at it only a moment before shoving it away again. His tone is hurried as he unties her ropes. “No, not here. I want you to come with me.” He guides her to her feet, and she obeys like a life-sized doll.
I have to stop him. I have to kill him. He claims to want to keep her as a living art piece but who knows what other depraved things he would do given the chance and complete control of her body and will.
No, I have to fight this. Digging down, I call forth that darkness inside me. Focusing past the fuzzy distracting unwanted warmth of the drugs pumping through my system, I call to the animal within. I used it to kill Eddie, Grimes and his men, and I’d use it to fix this too. I had to save Goldie, if I didn’t, no one would.
Lysander grabs the bloody knife and turns toward me. “Thanks for your help, but I need to make this quick.” He takes one step toward me when a thunk hits the air.
Lysander’s eyes squint before he drops to the ground. Behind him, Goldie flips one of my wrenches in her hands. “Have I mentioned I’m really into having all your tools spread around my house? It’s pretty hot.”
