Getting to my feet as well, I watched Emma grab her dress and angrily tug it on. “Emma, we can never be together because I’m a Chevalier.”
Officially boiling with rage, she yelled, “What does that even mean?”
Deep down I knew it was despair fueling her anger, but it still didn’t dull the sting. I lowered my voice hoping she would bring down her volume, too. “I have no soul.”
Whatever she had been about to say died on her lips. She stared at me, agape this time with shock so very different than when she had first walked in on me naked.
“You have no soul,” she repeated slowly.
“I— I should have told you before. In my last life, I committed unspeakable atrocities. The gods took my soul but have afforded me a chance at redemption in this life. They made me a Chevalier. Chevaliers must serve the Light, the mission the Order of Luxis serves, until perhaps, one day the gods would deem to grant us our souls again. So you see, we cannot be together. You deserve a man, not a soulless monster.”
One eyebrow arched higher than I’d ever seen before, and the corners of her mouth tugged down in displeasure. “Are you kidding me?” Then rolling her eyes she answered herself, “Of course not, you don’t even know how.” She repeated it again as if trying to absorb. “You have no soul.”
I looked away from her, shame burning me up. “I know I should have told you. It’s why I tried so hard to stay away from you. I don’t know when, or if, the gods will ever return my soul.”
“Bullshit.”
I reared back. “What?”
Emma’s expression had morphed from incredulity into a hard mask. “I said bullshit. You absolutely have a soul, Calan.”
“I understand this is difficult for you to hear, Emma. To find out while I protected you from monsters, I was a monster all along.”
Her eyes were dry now, and sharp with clarity as she stared up at me defiantly. “No Calan, you have a soul, I’m telling you. And I can prove it. The soul eater went after you every time we fought it. It wanted your soul, too.”
I gave her a wry smile. “No, Emma. It recognized me as a threat and we fought because it knew I would prevent it from feeding, not because I have a soul.”
She rolled her eyes but wouldn’t let it go. “How did you know you were a Chevalier?”
“My Masters told me.”
“And how do they know you don’t have a soul?”
I struggled to answer her questions. These were simple facts I knew to be as true as the ground beneath my feet, but I lacked the knowledge-base and eloquence of my Masters.
“Magic, I think. They find Chevalier when they are babies and bring them back here to the Temple.”
Her eyes widened. “You mean, those people from that other Order really could be your parents?”
I ran my hands through my hair, scarping my blunt nails along my buzzing scalp. “No, no that’s not possible. Chevalier are not born into Orders. Those agents are liars. The Chevalier should not be reared in civilian circumstances. It is too dangerous for the general public.”
“I thought you said to separate yourself from others was to turn away from the Light.”
“Yes. Well no, this isn’t the same.”
Her eyebrow arched. “This doesn’t count, because your Order… said so?”
Anxiety at not being able to explain churned agitation through all my limbs until I began to pace. “No, the way you are saying it, that’s not right. It’snotthe same.”
“Because the Order of Truth or Veritas, whatever it’s called, serves the dark?”
“No,” I said, my voice getting louder with frustration. “They don’t serve the dark but turning against them isn’t turning against the Light like it would be against anyone else. My Order, they know more than I do about why.”
Emma stood in front of me, stopping my pacing. Her hand cupped my cheek in a gesture to soothe my obvious distress. “Calan. Look at me. I know to my very core that you have a soul. You are the most loving, compassionate, strong,soulfulperson I have ever encountered.” Her voice hardened. “I think your Masters have been lying to you.” Hope suffused her voice next as her hands slipped to my shoulders. “Which means they might be lying about me. Maybe I’m not the Propheros. Well, I guess the bad guys kind of outed me and why would that soul eater thing lie? Unless your Order actually controls the bad guys, but that’s a bit far-fetched. Maybe your Order is just lying about the sacrifice. Maybe I don’t need to die.” Her words squished together as they came out in a torrent.
I gently pushed Emma’s hands away from me. “Emma, stop it. My Masters would never lie. They protect this world from the darkness and they know best.”
My head throbbed from Emma’s chattering. The things she was saying were blasphemous. I had been afraid of her seeing for the monster I was. I hadn’t anticipated this.
