I turned to Nova. “Do you think Gianna would mind swimming through the area?”
“Gianna loves to swim, but I don’t know if she’d be able to detect what we’re looking for. Nova turned her palm up. “She’s still shaken up by the encounter with Jakob but also driven to kick ass. It doesn’t hurt to ask. I’ll give her a call after this meeting.”
We continued to discuss our next steps and then left the conference room. As soon as I stepped into my office, Nova entered.
“Zoe, can I talk to you for a minute?”
“Of course.” I leaned my butt against the desk.
Nova stared at the floor. “I was out of line with what I said about Lucas and wrong to interfere in your relationship in any way.”
I jerked my head. This wasn’t what I was expecting. “What do you mean?”
She rubbed her forehead. “We often tease Lucas about women, but he’s different with you. I shouldn’t have said anything about getting involved with him. He’s pissed at me for interfering. I’m sorry if what I said led you to doubt his feelings.”
I clutched the edge of the desk. “That’s okay. You didn’t do anything. The truth is that it was only a fling. We don’t have anything in common, so it couldn’t go anywhere.”
Nova tipped her head and stared at me. “Are you sure?”
No. All the reasons I’d given him yesterday seemed like feeble excuses today. As I’d searched near the club that morning, I had too much time to think—and loop through my decision. Ultimately, I pushed him away for the wrong reasons. The real one?
I was afraid.
I’d lost my father to demons. I’d lost my ex in my compulsion to fight them. What was the guarantee that I wouldn’t lose Lucas, too?
There wasn’t one.
It was too late. One day, he’d move on, and so would I. Right?
“Zoe?”
Nova’s questions drew me out of my head. “Sorry?”
“I asked if you were sure that it couldn’t work between you and Lucas. Maybe you could get together and talk?”
Emotions threatened to swallow me up in a riptide. I pushed myself from my desk and walked around to sit at it. “Nova, this isn’t the right time.” I picked up a file folder off my desk. “If you can excuse me, I need to get back to work.”
Nova pressed her lips together. “All right.” She exhaled. “If there’s anything I can do to fix this, let me know.”
After she left my office, I attempted to focus on work. Too many reminders crept in. Our bonsai date. Going to the museum in Boston. Hanging out at his house with everyone. They were a strange crew with a peculiar sense of humor. After all, they’d made me watch all those Monty Python skits. They were funny, I had to admit. What I’d enjoyed most of all was the sense of belonging there. The only place I ever sensed I belonged was while at work. Lucas had helped me find a balance in my life, showing me that I could devote myself to my goals yet also find time for myself.
He never had issues with my workaholic nature, yet I’d shared my unease about his career.
He’d made me feel appreciated, cared for, cherished. No one had ever treated me so well.
And in bed? I’d never imagined a lover could be like that, so attentive, so considerate.
I’d thrown it all away. For what? Protecting myself from getting hurt just ensured that it ended up happening.
Forget the demon preying on my fears, I’d done it all to myself.
After all, aren’t we our own worst enemies in the end?
That question was one of many that churned in my head all night, continuing through the next morning. I drove to the Network and parked my car. As I was heading into my office, the sound of a loud crash rocked the pavement, and I jumped.
I ducked low and searched for the source of the noise. What was that? And where the hell did it come from?
Chapter 16
