“What?”
“You don’t need to be bothered about what Gideon and I did in the past.”
“I’m not,” I say defensively.
“Oh, okay,” he says, patently not believing me. “But if you had been, you shouldn’t have bothered because I was never the right person for him, and he wasn’t for me.” I stare at him, and he shrugs. “He nevereverconsidered coming out for me in all the years we were fucking around. There’s nothing there but friendship between us. Good friendship, though. For all his faults, Gid makes a good friend. He’s loyal and cares deeply, whatever he says to the contrary. He just has to be practically clubbed over the head to notice a problem and then he’s all in. Ask Jacinta.” He pauses. “He’s just very difficult to know.”
“Not really,” I say hesitantly, because he isn’t. Gideon is an open book most of the time.
Niall smiles kindly. “Not for you. To be honest, there probably shouldn’t ever have been anything between Gid and me because the potential for fouling up the good relationships we’ve found later in life could have been high.”
I stare at him. He’s one of the most attractive men I’ve ever met, and I don’t mind admitting that I’ve felt threatened by him since I first found out. But now, not so much, because I see how he is with Milo and I see how Gid is with him. It’s very different from the way he is with me. He never looks at Niall the way he does me.
“Actually, I’m sort of glad there was,” I say, my words surprising me, but I realise that it’s true. “I’m glad he had someone he could be himself with.”
“I don’t think he’s ever been that,” he says thoughtfully. “Until you. Silas and I got different bits of him, but you, you get everything. It’s like he’s dropped all his guards with you.” He pauses as Milo wanders over and perches on the side of the sofa and leans into him. He smiles at his boyfriend and then looks back at me earnestly. “Please look after Gid. He’s a wonderful man. He just never realises it. He needs someone to remind him of the fact.”
“I’ll do that every day,” I promise.If I’m given the chance,I think sadly.
We smile at each other, and I know with an inner certainty that we’ll be fine now.
At that point, Frankie walks in just to really top the shit cake off with an even shittier icing. “Great,” I mutter, and Frankie glares at me.
“Come to see what you’ve done to his career?” he says venomously.
My mouth falls open as the normally mild-mannered Silas turns on him.
“I’d like you to remember that you are a guest in this house, Frankie,” he says sharply, his posh accent frigid with politeness. “And as such you will be held to the same standard of behaviour as the other guests. If you persist in being rude, you can sod off and find somewhere else to watch this.”
“Are you not going to tellhimthat?” Frankie demands, pointing at me. “He’s a guest too.”
“No, he isn’t,” Silas says coldly, turning away. “He’s family.”
There’s a truncated silence in the room. When I look up, Oz is fluttering his eyelashes at Silas, who is trying not to laugh. I feel a sense of warmth run through me that I’ve been accepted by Gideon’s friends. I hope it’s not for nothing.
The standoff between Frankie and Silas is broken when Niall leans forwards. “He’s on.”
Everyone clusters around the sofa as he turns the volume up. I notice a few ladies led by the redoubtable June coming into the room just as the introductory music comes on and the slides start of Steven interviewing seemingly everyone who is notable in the world. When the music stops and the screen shows Gideon, we all lean forward as if synchronized.
I stare at my lover. His face is set and resolute, but there’s a subtle change. “Does he look different to you?” I say to Niall, who stares at the screen.
“Not really,” he says doubtfully. “He just looks like Gid.”
But he doesn’t. Not to me, anyway. The sick shock seems to have faded and there’s something else playing on his face and a strange gleam in his eyes. I wonder what it is, but the thought flies away as Steven starts his introduction, showing Gideon in stills from his many films and plays.
I smile a little when he shows photos of him in school performances. He looks truculent and sulky and just so him that it makes my heart hurt and my brain wonder if I’ve gone completely mad handing this man my heart.
Normally, at this point the camera will cut to the guest who will look incredibly modest and express their delight at Steven actually deigning to interview them. This time, however, the camera cuts to Gideon who just looks incredibly bored. It obviously slightly discomposes Steven, who fumbles his words before managing to welcome his guest.
“Well, I’m delighted to welcome one of Britain’s most talented actors to the sofa tonight. Gideon Ramsay, star of stage and screen and one of Britain’s most popular exports.”
“That makes me sound like a crate of raspberries,” Gideon says coolly.
Steven laughs somewhat nervously. “Ah, I’ve heard many things about you, but humour wasn’t ever particularly mentioned.”
“I wonder why that was,” Gideon says, leaning back in his chair and actually looking like he’s starting to enjoy himself.
“Could it be that you’re always so focused on your roles that you inhabit them twenty-four hours a day in your pursuit of true excellence? I’ve seen your face before in pictures taken on the set. You always look like you’re totally in character.”
