“I’m here whenever you’re ready.”
“Maybe tomorrow.”
He kissed her forehead. “Okay. Get some rest.”
Ryan held Elissa as her breaths slowed and her fingers stilled. When he was certain she was asleep, he kissed her forehead again.
“I love you, Elissa Wright,” he whispered into her silky brown hair.
Then he allowed himself to join her in dreamland.
forty-three
answer bitch
The steady thudding of Ryan’s heart lulled Elissa into a meditative state somewhere between awake and asleep. She’d never been so well fucked. Her limbs were loose, and for once, her brain was happy to revel in the tiredness of her body.
Then he whispered his confession.
She froze, praying he didn’t notice she was still awake. But he settled in, and his body went lax. He was asleep and expected no answer from her, thank god.
He loved her. Holy hell, he loved her.
Victor was the last man to tell her he loved her. And that had ended…poorly. As expected. Because she hadn’t loved him enough to put her family second.
What would Ryan demand of her? He always seemed to come in second in his own family. How would he feel if he constantly came in second to hers, too?
Her heart raced in her chest. He loved her, despite all the evidence she put her family first. Despite her tendency to overthink. Despite how she’d basically deserted him for the past few weeks, only turning up when she needed something from him.
But she hadn’t needed something from him. She’d just needed him. They could’ve hung out at his place, gone for a walk, taken a moment from his busy day to reassure her that she would be fine. That she wouldn’t lose her job because of their relationship. That she wasn’t a horrible person because she’d fought with her sister and her mother.
Did she love Ryan? She’d thought she loved Victor. When he left, it had been a betrayal, but she hadn’t been heartbroken. Not because of him, anyway. She had been more worried about her mother than about Victor abandoning her. She’d been more annoyed about moving in with her parents than she’d missed Victor.
So, she hadn’t loved Victor, at least not enough.
What about Ryan? She’d been hurt and spiraling after her horrible day, and the first place she ran was to him. The only other person she’d ever taken her problems to was Jules. Elissa kept everything to herself. Her problems weren’t nearly as bad as other people’s. She’d grown up healthy, unlike Leo. She’d stayed out of trouble and finished college, unlike Ami. She hadn’t been diagnosed with cancer, like her mom. They hadn’t been rich, but they never had to go without, either. Anytime she had a problem, she was reminded it was a first-world problem. She was incredibly privileged, which meant she kept her problems to herself, solved them herself.
And then Ryan came into her life. He had money and problems, sharing both with his friends, with her, and he never seemed to think her problems weren’t worth attention. He saw her, got her, in ways few others ever had. And she loved that about him.
She loved him.
Her racing heart stopped for a breathtaking moment.
She loved Ryan.
Oh, oh, this was worse. This was worse than thinking about what he’d said. She felt something real about him, something true, from her head to her toes, in her blood and in her bones.
Oh god, oh god, oh god.
Elissa glanced at the clock on the bedside table—ten o’clock. Jules should be off work soon. If anyone could help her stop spiraling, it was Jules.
She slid out of bed and found Ryan’s shirt from earlier. It smelled like him—lemons and motor oil. Her heart rate dipped as she slipped it on. No way was she going to talk to Jules naked after a night of mind-blowing sex. She tiptoed to the saddlebags, rooted around, and found her phone.
Knowing she’d ruin the oasis Ryan had created for the two of them, Elissa turned it on.
When the three-year-old device finally loaded, she was greeted with a flurry of text messages and voicemails. At least a dozen were from Ami, and a dozen more were from her dad and her brother. There were two from Karina as well.
The top text on her screen caused her immediate concern.
