My teeth worry at my lower lip as I pick it up and roll it through my fingers. I’m very familiar with Brumansia extract, having used it for revs to get me through my heat cycles before going on the suppressants. I’m also familiar with the possible side effects.
Don’t do it, Igid.
“I just need some space. Some time to think,” I whisper as I walk slowly back to my room, rolling the pen between my fingers.
Brox is still fast asleep in my bed. Damn him, he shouldn’t look so right there. With his sleep-mussed hair fanning the pillow and the way he’s curled into my vacated spot.
Kneeling beside him, I load the injector pen and dial down the dose to a safe level. I clench it in my hand—much the same way I held the utensil I stabbed him with. Only this time there is no satisfaction in what I’m about to do. In fact, everything inside me is screaming to stop. To think on this, for only a moment.
I tell myself there is nothing to think about. I only need time to process this, and I can’t think straight with Brox. He is too much of a distraction.
Forgive me.
Before I can talk myself out of my decision, I jab the pen into the top of his thigh and push the depressor. His body jumps at the stick, and my heart lurches.
A crease forms across his brow, and sleepy eyes flutter open to focus on me. When he smiles, my heart breaks even more at what I’ve done, but it’s too late to take it back now.
“My Igid,” he whispers, reaching out to cup the side of my face. “Why do you look sad?”
Reaching up, I press my hand against the back of his and turn my cheek into his palm, shaking my head.
He takes a deep breath, and his eyes grow heavy. “Come back to bed,” he mumbles as his eyes fall closed. They do not open again as he’s dragged into a deeply sedated sleep.
What have I done?!
Gently, I lay his hand across his stomach and ease off the bed. I was careful to give him a safe amount, but it’s still a strong sedative. He won’t wake until sometime tomorrow.
As I dress, I can’t stop looking over at Brox’s huge frame taking up my narrow bed. Even unconscious, his body is turned toward mine.
Forcing my attention away from him, I head for the bridge where I slide into Brox’s seat and lift my hands to the controls, where they pause. TheShadehas been mine for revs. It’s always beenmyship, no matter who might be at the helm. So when did I start thinking of this as Brox’s seat?
“Focus, Igid,” I grumble while my fingers dart across the control panel. Before giving it much thought, I find myself mapping the way to Kurrahstka’s pleasure house.
Star charts begin popping up on the vid screen, and I swipe them away almost as soon as they appear, until pausing at one. I use my fingers to enlarge an outer corner of the chart, then zoom in on a medium-sized satellite station that’s not far from our destination. It’s been recently decommissioned and just far enough from the major freight lines that it would be safe from anyone looking to cause trouble.
Except, you’re causing trouble.
Letting out a long sigh, I slowly tap my fingers against my lips as a new plan begins to form. I tell myself I’ll be able to think… to focus on the missionbetterwithout Brox’s distraction. So, I’ll leave him at the decommissioned station and go to Kurrahstka’s alone. That way I won’t have to worry about him coming after me if he wakes up sooner than expected. I’ll be in and out of Kurrahstka’s with a plan for the females, and by the time I get back to the station, I’ll be ready to face Brox.
My heart recoils in my chest.What are you doing?it screams, but I ignore it as I disengage the auto pilot and set a new course.
If everything goes the way it should, I’ll be back to get Brox before he ever even realizes I left him.
CHAPTERSIXTEEN
BROX
* * *
The trip back to wakefulness is a long one. I lose count of how many times I start to get my eyes open, only to be sucked back down into oblivion once more.
When I finally do open them, and they stay fucking open, I’m so weighed down by exhaustion, I almost give up and let it pull me under once more. Except I have this overwhelming sense that something’s wrong.
Where I should feel Igid’s warmth at my side, I’m cold. Instead of the sweet scent of her, I smell dirt and damp.
Where is my mate? Has something happened to her?
Suddenly my stomach starts to pitch and roil, and I turn to my side just in time to retch up what little I’ve eaten in the last rotation.
