All of the above…
I broke into a jog, crossing the lot toward the bus as my thoughts still churned. What I really wanted to do was introduce Zero’s face to my fist—it was long overdue—but I’d have to catch him after his act. No sense in fucking up another headlining performance tonight, not when Hallow was probably already seething.
Honestly, the act hadn’t gone badly. Arina had done much better than I thought, but her freakout afterward… we’d hear about that for sure.
I didn’t bother knocking on the bus door, instead opening it and hopping up the three steps leading inside. I slammed to a stop in the aisle when my eyes fell on Arina. She was staring at me wide-eyed, makeup running down her face. The corset-top of her dress was undone, and she was clinging to the material to keep her chest covered. She’d kicked off her boots and tossed her tiny top hat on the ground.
Seeing her in this state, hysterical and undressing, short-circuited something in my brain. Every thought I had, everything I planned to say, dissolved.
“What do you want?” she snapped, turning away. She grabbed her backpack out of a cabinet and threw it on one of the bunks.
“What are you doing?” I countered.
It was probably the dumbest thing I could have asked; it was clear what she was doing. But I needed to hear her say it, to admit the words out loud.
“I’m leaving,” she said sharply. “Isn’t that what you wanted?”
Yes.It was what I’d wanted every second since she showed up in Dallas.
And yet… hearing her say the words I’d longed to hear didn’t fill me with relief like I expected. In fact, I didn’t feel anything at all.
I was numb to my core.
Taking several steps forward, I paused halfway down the bus. Being that I took up most of the aisle, I didn’t want her to feel trapped. She’d already been trapped in the motorcycle cage, and I didn’t want to add to her hysterics.
I casually leaned against a set of cabinets, giving her plenty of room if she decided to storm past me. My eyes moved to land on her again, watching in silence as she stuffed clothes into her bag.
“Did you just come here to gloat?” she asked without looking in my direction. “To rub it in? I get it, Revel. I don’t belong here. I was stupid to think I could do any of this.”
“No, I didn’t come here to gloat,” I answered, my voice low. “I’m not sure why I came, to be honest. I guess I wanted… to see if you were okay.”
She laughed so loud that I nearly jumped, and her eyes finally cut in my direction. “You’re such an asshole. You don’t care if I’m okay.”
I didn’t.
At least… I hadn’t before she’d been tossed in my cage and left to fend for herself.
After seeing the terror in her eyes, a switch had flipped in my brain. I wasn’t like Night and Zero. I might not have wanted her in the sideshow, but I didn’t get off on her fear and misery. I had a heart, cold and hardened as it was. I didn’t want her to suffer; I just didn’t want herhere.
“I wouldn’t have wasted my time coming to check on you.” My tone was more clipped than I intended, and I looked away, glaring straight ahead.
The sounds of her shifting around stopped, and I looked over to see her staring at me. Fresh tears welled in her eyes, and her bottom lip wobbled.
Christ.
Crying women didn’t bother me. Normally, I wouldn’t have batted an eye. But these were tearsI’dcaused.
I didn’t know how to handle that.
Flirty sluts begging for my knot? I could deal with that all night. Needy women I could fuck and then ghost the next day? Easy.
But this?
A woman I’d caused a fair amount of distress trying to hold herself together as she faced me with her chin held high. It didn’t sit right with me.
“Well, if you’ve gotten your fill, please leave, so I can change,” she said, managing to keep her voice level despite her lip wobbling.
I could have left.
