Out loud?
Neither of us moved, each waiting for the other, and an excruciating moment passed. Time seemed to stop as our eyes locked, my heart beating double time in my chest.
My throat tightened before I could answer, and when I finally spoke, it came out strained. “Okay.”
Night’s eyes glinted hungrily at the word, and he closed the distance between us, catching my mouth with his. He kissed me like the world was on fire, like this was the last chance he’d ever get to do it.
Skeptically—and enthusiastically—I lost myself, eager to drown in his aura and melt beneath his touch.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
REVEL
I felt like shit.
After tossing and turning all night, I barely got any sleep.
I was too worried about the flashes of Night’s aura coming through the bond to rest. Spikes and flares that I didn’t understand came in waves, but they didn’t feel like panic. They definitely weren’t the rogue chaos from before. These were more like whispers of sadness and disappointment with happiness sprinkled in.
I still wasn’t used to being tapped into his emotions all the time, and any change in them made me jumpy. I was terrified I’d have to drop everything and run to his trailer in the middle of the night. Worried we’d have a repeat of our fist fight, I stayed on alert. Ready at a moment’s notice in case the rogue energy returned.
If the bond slipped and the rogue haze took over…
I didn’t want to think about what came next.
I massaged my temples, fighting off the faint throb of a headache. There was too much to do today for me to feel likecrap. We needed to finish breaking down the circus equipment this morning and hit the road by noon, but I wasn’t excited about going to the convention center.
Arina will be there.
She might not be able to help with much of the breakdown, given all of her five-foot frame, but I knew she’d be wandering around. She’d probably be ready and willing to step in where she could, and that was fine. As long as it was nowhere near me.
I’d managed to avoid her since Saturday night, barely getting more than a glimpse of her in passing, and I was looking forward to the long road trip without having to worry that she’d pop up and disturb my peace.
I didn’t want to see her.
I didn’t want to relive fucking her on the clown bus, regardless of how good she felt on my cock. Thinking about it brought up feelings I wasn’t ready to deal with. It was easier to shove them down and ignore her.
Sure, I’d wanted it. In the heat of the moment, I’d wanted nothing but her. To feel her, inside and out, to fuck out my frustration and hear how incredible she sounded when she fell apart.
But the aftermath scared me…
Not making her bleed or forcing her into the shower. Aftercare was part of my nature as an alpha; taking care of her wasn’t an issue.
It was the fact that I’dwantedto take care of her, and not out of obligation or some primal instinct. That had never happened before.
It terrified me.
The way I’d wanted to pull her into me and carry her to the shower. The way I’d wanted to bathe her and wrap her in a towel afterward. The way I’d wanted to linger and make sure she wasokay. If she hadn’t been such a stubborn brat, I might have done it all.
Afterward, I might have crawled into bed with her and tucked her against my chest?—
Fuck no.
I shook my head to clear it, which didn’t help my headache.
Whatever these feelings were, they could fucking rot. Arina was a nuisance, and whatever happened Saturday was a one-night thing.
I planned to stay as far away from her as possible to ensure it stayed that way.
