I wasn’t certain of anything anymore, least of all who to trust.
Revel had probably saved my life and given me his mark, which throbbed faintly whenever he was near or upset, but he’d been distant too. The bond probably bothered him more than it did me.
Who would want to share emotions with someone like me? Only someone as fucked up and broken as I was.
It made sense that he’d stayed away.
I took another sip of the bourbon and hardly felt the burn as it went down. With a huff, I replaced the glass on the table and tilted my head back, eyes closed. Even the liquor couldn’t keep my mind from wandering to dangerous places.
Like the aerialist bus.
It would have been easy to walk over and knock. Maybe thirty feet at most. They’d know why I was there, and Daze would come stumbling out, confused.
Would he still be angry? Would he be happy to see me?
I had no idea, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to find out. If I found out he didn’t give a shit and was happier being away from me…
I didn’t finish the thought.
It’s better this way.I’d repeat it over and over until I believed it. It was better if he kept his distance, if he stayed away, in case I started to slip again.
Sooner or later, I would have to face the harsh reality that was my existence: without a permanent mate bond, I would eventually go rogue. There would be no saving me then.
Clinging to the life I knew, trying to fight off the feral haze that always threatened to take over, was a dangerous game. One that I would lose without a mate.
I would have to die to protect those around me. There was no way around it.
I’d always known things could end with me six feet under, but after this most recent episode, it was more obvious than ever. I was a danger to myself and everyone in the circus.
Soon, I would have to face my fate.
Very soon?—
A sound at the door made my eyes pop open, and I sat up straight. Before I could move from my seat, it swung open, and a figure stepped inside.
I froze, alarmed by the unwelcome intruder, but as my eyes focused, my jaw fell slack. It was Daze.
For a second, I thought I was hallucinating. Maybe I drank more than I thought, and it was fucking with my mind. But after blinking several times, it became apparent that he wasn’t a figment of my imagination.
He was here.
Finally…
Shirtless as usual, he wore a pair of dark sweatpants I didn't recognize. They probably belonged to one of the aerialists. His hair was wet, like he'd just taken a shower, and a waft of minty bodywash followed him into the trailer. He hesitated after the door snapped closed behind him.
His brown eyes landed on me, making my insides wiggle, but I kept my mouth fixed in a thin line. Emotionless. Stoic, the way I always tried to be.
“Night,” he gasped, like he hadn’t expected to see me. “The lights were off… I assumed…”
I waved a hand flippantly to tell him it was fine.
Of course, it was fine. He technically lived here when we were on the road. He had for the last few years.
I hadn’t kicked him out. Hadn’t told him to stay away. He'd done that on his own.
If that was what he wanted, he was welcome to go.
But he was also welcome to stay.
