“Don’t need to.” He turned in the doorway and over his athletic shorts, gripped his sack proudly. “Robert and Bobert locked Jillian down a long time ago.”
“You named your balls?” I quirked a brow and teased. “Poor Jillian.”
“You meanluckyJillian.” He motioned palms up and disappeared down the hallway with a grin.
I huffed out a laugh and dropped into another repetition. Anything to take the edge off. I needed to wear myself out—needed to try and keep some ounce of control when it came to my darling, Sarafina Amara Devereux. Which was next to impossible.
Sara simultaneously made me feel like the weakest man alive for not being able to resist her, while also making me feel invincible, like if she believed in me, I could literally do anything. Be anything. Have anything.
Including having a family again.
I shook my head, almost not daring to admit it, even to myself.
It was something I’d decided a long time ago that I was never going to have again. A family.
When my parents had left me alone in this world, it’d taken everything in me to keep going. To survive, I’d had to wall myself off completely.
I’d been pretty successful too, not letting anyone get too close. Sure, I’d been with plenty of other women over the years, but it had been about the sex. Strictly a physical moment of release and never anything deeper.
Which was one of the many reasons I was so adamant abouttaking things so slowly with Sara. Iwantedto build that emotional foundation with her. Because whether she realized it or not, she’d found all the dark, ominous cracks in my heart and easily slipped through every wall I’d ever built. It was terrifying.
The thought of building a family with Sara,not to mention picturing Sara pregnant with my dark-haired babies, which was sexy as fuck to fantasize about,filled me with a strange and unfamiliar hope. I, of course, was getting way ahead of myself.
All of it was unnerving, because feelings and shit, but for the first time in my life, I felt like I belonged to someone.Her.
And she sure as hell belonged to me. That girl wasall mine.
My muscles were shaking as I forced out another repetition, forced the jittery feelings in my chest to settle because I had to ask her something important this weekend. Becausegirlfriendhad to come before the four-letter word I couldn’t shake out of my brain. The word that made me hard just thinking about it.Wife.
Sarafina
“Are you ready, Miss Deveruex?” Vaughn, my new security guard, asked, coming into my class to collect me.
“I thought we discussed that you would waitoutsidemy classes.” I practically hissed, and I stuck my hand up, cutting off his gruff voice. “I know. I know.” I grumbled. “Where you go, I go.” I mimicked his useless explanation for everything.
The moment Liam had dropped me back off at school, there had already been private security set up for me. As much as I hated it, that note in my father’s office had been wildly unsettling. If I could admit it to myself, I hadn’t been able to shake the feeling that someonehadbeen following me. I knew I was probably just being paranoid, but it was hard not to be.
I murmured my goodbyes to Carmen, and her cheeks flushed as she gobbled Vaughn up from head to toewith a glazed stare. I was shocked to see him give her a smirk before he practically dragged me out into the hallway. He looked halfway human when he wasn’t scowling like his life depended on it.
Outside, I asked venomously sweetly, “So how was your day?” I was pissed as hell that he’d already broken the rules we’d agreed upon. Vaughn ignored me altogether as he all but shoved me into the bulletproof SUV and then abruptly closed the door on me.Jerk.I rolled my eyes as we headed for the airport, and a swell of excited nerves suddenly hit me.
I was dying to see Carter this weekend, especially with his upcoming deployment closing in, but honestly, there was a terrified part of me that wasn’t exactly sure what we were doing. We hadn’t discussed being exclusive, and I’d been too afraid to ask. I sure as hell wasn’t seeing other people, but it didn’t escape me that Carter had options. He always had.
The minute he’d turned eighteen, the tabloids had named him the city’s most eligible bachelor—they still ran stories about him, even now, grabbing photos whenever he came home, starting the whole news cycle all over again. Women literally threw themselves at him, and I was just little ol’ me, hoping he wouldn’t forget about me if I wasn’t smack dab in front of his face.
Truth be told, I waspretty surewe were exclusive, but that doubt still lingered, because Carter was either totally on the same page as me and I’d look stupid for asking. Or he totallywasn’t, and I’d look even more stupid. Because officially—we weren’t anything official.
I groaned at the utter nonsense of it all, but I didn’t want to seem too needy. Didn’t want to scare him away by asking for too much too soon. Not when Ifinallyhad his attention after all these years. And I really, really,reallywanted to play it cool.
The only problem, I knew I’d be gutted if he couldn’t give me what I needed from him.Real vulnerability,and a little commitment would definitely be nice too.
I wasn’t stupid, the jokes, the teasing, the humor.It was all a carefully crafted facade to hide behind. His defense mechanisms were intentional. He wanted to keep everyone at arm’s length.
My heart thundered as I refused to admit to myself what I already knew. I was falling for him. Hard and fast, and the realization that he could easily break my heart was sobering.
I’d barely made it through the last year in one piece, and if I lost Carter, I didn’t know if I had the strength to put myself back togetheragain.
When we rolled onto the tarmac, I sucked in a small breath, staring at the private jet sitting in front of us.
