“Do you want to know what is even scarier for me? Not having you beside me in my life.” He kissed her again on the top of her head. “Whatever happens, we’ll work it out together.”
She let out a breath and nodded. “Yes.”
Blessed saints.
Had she just agreed to a full year with him? He ought to have taken her fishing sooner, for this was more than she had ever agreed to before. “Are you feeling a little better now?”
There was a note of wistfulness in her laughter. “I’m not sure. One burden removed but another added. My mind is a tangle of fear and hope. I cannot recall ever crying as much as I have this summer. But everything is changing around me and I feel helpless to stop it. On top of it all, I am a bundle of raw emotion. Those stark feelings tend to come out whenever I have my monthly courses.”
As they had a few days ago, to bring an early end to their week of debauchery. Watching her curled up in pain at the onset had left him feeling helpless. But he was glad to be there beside her, offering what little comfort he could give.
He thought back to their childhood days and remembered her very first time, for he had been there even for that. He was all of seven years old and had almost fainted on the spot upon noticing the fresh bloodstain at the back of her gown. Both of them had run screaming back to Fiona’s house.
It had taken him a full week to calm down. But Fiona had chirped like a little bird and smiled throughout the week, because she was now a woman.
Perhaps this was the moment he had started to lose his best friend.
He had no intention of ever losing her again.
He raked a hand through his hair. What a history they had together.
Since she was feeling talkative, he listened to her spill her thoughts just as he used to do when they were children. Only, he never understood what she was talking about back then when she chattered about being trained to make her debut. He would simply bob his head and grunt a “yes” every once in a while as she went on about being fitted for gowns, taking dance lessons,learning how to pour tea, because friends were supposed to be interested and show they cared.
Anyway, he’d always liked the soft, lilting sound of her voice, so he did not mind her animated conversations. She was his fairy princess and even her laughter was magical and musical as it floated like tinkling crystal on a summer breeze.
“It has all suddenly become too much for me, Rob. Hearing that my friends are expecting. Seeing you with the young ladies Cherish and I selected for you. I did not think it would be so hard for me to see you with another lady.”
“But it was?”
She nodded. “Brutal, in fact. All these things piled on relentlessly and made me miserable because there is the one big problem that all the wishing in the world cannot fix, the one reason keeping us apart.”
“Fiona, it is the reason youthinkought to keep us apart. But we don’t even know for certain it is you who cannot have children. The point is, it does not matter to me. My heart doesn’t care. My heart just wants to be with you.”
“As mine so desperately wishes to be with you.” She looked up at him. “Maybe it is important for me to give you that year, time for the inevitable disappointment to sink in.”
Disappointment?
Honestly, why was she tormenting herself again? When was she going to understand that he was committed to loving her? To accepting her no matter the circumstances?
Had Shoreham made her feel as though she alone was at fault? Had she silently endured almost twenty years of accusations?
In truth, her husband had never come across as resentful and seemed genuinely fond of her. However, it could be that Shoreham hid his disappointment well in front of others. Or that Fiona had shoved the entire burden onto herself and Shorehamsimply never stepped up to take any of the responsibility on his shoulders.
Rob shook out of his thoughts because he was going to go mad running around in circles like a dog chasing his own tail.
Fiona’s spirits appeared to rise as they resumed fishing. The mist soon evaporated and the sun shone upon the water, spreading its golden aura.
They each caught a fish, but Fiona insisted on tossing them back in. “Cherish has feasts prepared for us for every meal. We’ll never eat these fish, so why not let them go free?”
He tossed them back into the water.
As the day began to warm and brighten, they returned to Northam Hall. Several guests were already down to breakfast, so he and Fiona joined them.
Aubrey settled in the chair beside his. “Morning, Durham.”
“You look like you’ve been up all night. What happened?”
Aubrey glanced around furtively, then leaned forward and whispered, “I think Florence is a spy. Did you notice she disappeared after supper last night?”
