“I did not realize I was. Am I not permitted to revel a little in the aftermath?”
She leaned over and kissed him on the shoulder. “You are not reveling so much as thinking too hard about what we are doing. Don’t, Rob. Especially do not get your hopes up, or this will be too painful for the both of us. Aren’t you the one who always tells me to stop pondering the where, why, and how of everything? Some things are just not meant to be.”
He let out a heavy breath. “Promise me you will only ever marry for love. I could endure it if I knew you were happy and had made a love match.”
“You are the only one I love, Rob,” she whispered, and let out a ragged breath. “I wish it were not so, for then you might be able to let go of me and move on. But our hearts are impossibly entangled, aren’t they? Perhaps we were born to be bound to each other, destined in the stars, and this is the tragedy of it.”
“It doesn’t have to be tragic.”
“We shall have this week together and you cannot ask me for more. You need to sire sons to continue the Durham line. And I… Who knows what the future will hold for me? But I know what has you worried. You think I am going to encourage Milbury to court me.”
He arched an eyebrow. “Have you been thinking about it?”
“No, but you have.”
He pursed his lips. “Maybe. A little.”
“A lot, if I know you.” She kissed his shoulder again. “I would never consider marrying him.”
This surprised Rob. “Why not? He seems a decent fellow.”
“Are you taking his side now?”
“Hell, no. Just speculating.”
“He would have to be a fool to offer for me, especially since he must know there is something going on between us. What man wishes to embark upon a marriage thinking he will be made a cuckold?”
“Would you do this? I cannot believe you ever would. You are too honorable ever to betray him once you are married. Besides, men can lie to themselves about such things, especially when the woman they admire looks like an angel, which you do. You are a widow, so he has to know he would not be buying unsampled goods.”
She pinched his shoulder. “And you think he won’t care that you aresamplingme while he undertakes his courtship? Betrayal does not extend only to marriage. How can you think such a thing ofme? When have I ever behaved in that wanton fashion?” She turned away in a huff.
He wrapped an arm around her and drew her up against his chest. “Truce? I don’t want to fall asleep with you angry with me.”
She let out a heavy breath. “I am not angry with you. I won’t deny I considered Milbury as a possibility, but only as a last resort. I would consider marrying him if you stubbornly continued to remain a bachelor because of me.”
He tensed.
This was his exact fear, was it not?
“You were so good with those boys today, Rob. So wise and patient, but also with just the right amount of stern authority. You would make a wonderful father. I wish this for you with all my heart.”
“Then giveusa chance to try for it.”
“I’ve had eighteen years of chances,” she said with exquisite pain.
“But not with me.” Did they not deserve more than a week to see this through? Should he not have another year or two? Or five?
She said nothing in response, just cried herself to sleep, tearing at his heart.
He fell into a fitful sleep and awoke before dawn to sneak back into his bedchamber before the staff began to stir.
Carrying his boots in hand, he walked stealthily down the hall, his bare feet making not a sound upon the wood floor. This one week of wanton bliss was not working out quite as he had hoped. Only a couple of days had passed since his arrival and both of them were more on edge than ever. The toll was exacting and exhausting, both of them soaring and jubilant one moment, and then sinking into an abyss of despair in the next.
Their feelings were too raw and volatile. Their hearts were a gaping wound.
He considered ending this week early, but the thought of missing out on even a moment with Fiona made his stomach churn.
It was not about the bedroom. It was about her.
