She shook her head. “It isn’t people in general that you are protecting yourself from. What you are doing is guarding your heart from the one special person you could love forever. That rejection would be the worst for you, so you have dealt with this problem by choosing to push every young lady away before you can ever develop feelings for her. But I cannot imagine their evernotloving you.”
“Ailis, I do not need false flattery from you. I do not lack in confidence. Arrogant duke here,” he said with a wry smile, “lest you forget.”
“I am not trying to flatter you. In fact, I am angry with myself for assuming you were aloof and cantankerous when you are not this way at all. I also assumed you were full of yourself due to your exalted rank.”
“Full of myself?” His look of surprise quickly turned to one of amusement. “Are you calling me a blowhard?”
She cast him a soft smile and sniffled as more tears fell. “You were never a blowhard. I am explaining myself all wrong. You have a strong sense of duty to those in your demesne, but we have never been a mere duty to you. You have never dismissed us…or dismissedme, even though I am often quite irritating.”
“No, Ailis. You are persistent, but never truly annoying. I never minded your visits.”
“I hope you know that I always liked and admired you. I think your humanity shone through despite the mask you always wore.”
“And now, my mask has come down and you know the truth about me,” he said in all seriousness. “You are among the very few who know.”
“Among the few?”
“Well, my doctors know. Grimes does, out of necessity. Edward, too.”
“This is why your brother admires you so much.”
That he thought enough of her to reveal these deep wounds… Could she mean more to him than he had ever let on? She thought their ten kisses were merely for amusement, but had she been mistaken and they represented more?
“I thank you for this, for the trust you have shown in me,” she said with all sincerity. “I will never let you down, I promise.”
He took her hand in his. “You never have. I do not doubt your integrity. This is why I decided to show you who I really am and what compels me to act the way I do.”
“But why choose to do this now?” She eyed him curiously, not certain what else he wanted of her. Was he merely seeking a friend because his house was presently overrun? Would he have confided the truth about his wounds had his mother not brought thesetondiamonds to Langford Hall?
Well, she would see where this next step led. She would like to be friends with him, the reliable confidante he could turn to when he needed to talk about the torments hidden in his heart and know his confidences would never be betrayed.
Yes, a good friend.
Would he ever accept her as someone more?
And yet…was she completely misunderstanding his intentions? Was he revealing his scars because he meant to push her away, just like he pushed away everyone else?
“Your Grace, did—”
“Jonas.That is my name and I want you to use it. You and I are not going back to that formal nonsense.”
“All right.Jonas, why did you show me the burns on your arm? Did you think I would no longer want your kisses because of this disfigurement?”
He shrugged. “I wasn’t sure. But this was the only way I could find out for certain. Odd, isn’t it?”
“That you trusted me?”
He nodded. “However, rest assured that I will never hold you to our bargain if my scars do offend you.”
“Offend me?”
“Yes, it is the expected response. Isn’t it? Utter revulsion.”
She gasped. “If that isn’t the most foolish thing I have ever heard come out of your mouth in years. If you were not a duke, I would already be kicking your shin. Your scars do not repulse me. They willneverrepulse me. If anything, understanding you better now, I wish I had bargained for twenty kisses. Forty kisses. A hundred more!”
He shook his head, once again grinning. “Ailis, you do not have to say this because you think I wish to hear it.”
“And you ought to know I would never simply say something I did not believe just to pander to you. Is this not my weakness whenever I am around you? That I cannot keep my mouth shut and must voice myhonestopinion whether asked for or not. So, will you please kiss me now before others walk in and the moment is lost?”
