Yes, he was.
But dealing with Cherish required battle strategy, so he was never going to admit he intended to do just that. “I wish you would not look upon my attempt to help your situation as a bribe. Shouldn’t you be more concerned for yourself? Fiona suggested to me that you needed to think more about yourself. What is so wrong with that?”
She nodded, looking not at all angry. “You are right. I should. It is something that has become increasingly hard for me to ignore. Perhaps it is foolish of me to hold on to the dream of love.My parents were a love match. I wish for the same. Did you ever hold out such hope for yourself?”
He shook his head. “No. As the third son, I was destined for the military and just assumed I would be shot on a battlefield someday. Once I moved beyond my foolish youth, I never gave much consideration to falling in love. It is an impediment in battle because it makes you think of what you might lose and distracts you as you rush forward in the face of cannon fire. A moment’s hesitation can be the difference between life and death. I found it was easier never to burden myself with such fancies.”
“But it has all changed for you now.” She looked straight at him as she spoke, their gazes meeting, and neither of them seemed capable of turning away. “Has there never been anyone who filled your heart? Who took your breath away and made you want to spend the rest of your life with that person?”
Gawain felt as though she were reaching into his soul. He did not like this feeling of opening himself up. Everything had been denied to him before, all possibilities for happiness. Now it was too late for him. He did not like her jarring him out of the comfortable independence he had settled on for the remainder of his life.
“No,” he repeated, knowing it was a lie. “Nothing has changed for me, Lady Cherish. The years have taken their toll. There is nothing of the hopeful boy left in me. In truth, I never had the luxury of idle, poetic thoughts or falling into raptures over a woman. That I am now a duke does not change the man I am inside. Who I am is now set in stone.”
“No one is suggesting that you change the essence of yourself. In truth, it probably enhances your appeal to women.”
He laughed and shook his head.
She frowned at him again. “Why are you so determined to keep yourself cut off?”
The question troubled him more than he would let on. “This conversation is not about me. I have no need to be saved, but you do. What would it take for you to consider marrying Reggie? And don’t punch me. This is just as important a question for you as it is for me.”
“I wasn’t going to punch you,” she muttered, pursing her lips. “You are asking me to be mercenary, and it is completely against my nature.”
“I am asking you to tell me what you wish. I am not agreeing to grant you any of it. I just want to hear what is important to you.”
“You answer first,” she said. “If you were of a mind to marry, what would you wish for in a wife?”
Her curls had blown out of place again, so he reached out once more and tucked a few stray ones behind her ear. But touching her was not a good idea, especially since he was not as unaffected by the girl as he’d expected himself to be. “I never allowed myself to wish for something that I thought was out of my reach.”
“But you are now the Duke of Bromleigh and nothing is out of your reach. Nor has it been out of reach for you these past several years. You can make those wishes come true for yourself. If you could have one wish granted, what would it be?”
To kiss you.
Well, that would be a disaster. Cherish was the one girl he could not touch. Not even Reggie, as much of a clot as that boy was at times, would have her then.
“I don’t know,” he said more harshly than intended. “To be left alone, I suppose. That would be my wish.”
She shook her head and cast him an admonishing look. But her expression was soft, so he knew she was not trying to criticize him. “We are a woeful pair, aren’t we? Your choiceis almost as bad as mine. Yours is a terrible and sad state of affairs.”
“Not at all. Terrible and sad is making the wrong selection in a wife and having to live with the mistake for the rest of my existence.”
“So it is easier for you to make no choice at all?” She was still frowning at him, in a delightfully tender way, if such a thing were possible. “I will make a deal with you. I think we must both give this question some thought. I shall sleep on it tonight and let you know what I would wish for, assuming I agreed to consider Reggie as a husband.”
“That is fair enough.” He was not going to push her by suggesting she and Reggie could be a love match. Even he knew it was not possible. Cherish would be good for his nephew, but those two were never going to fall into raptures over each other. “We had better head back to the others,” he said. “The dinner bell will sound shortly, and there will be talk if we show up late.”
She shook her head and laughed, her impish grin charming as she regarded him. “Ha, that would be a scandal broth. The two of us caught together on the day of your arrival. That would shoot your plans for Reggie to bits.”
“It would not be funny at all,” he said quite soberly. “I have no intention of seeing you ruined by gossip.”
“Especially since you would not do the honorable thing and marry me.” She cast him that look again, the one that seemed to reach into his soul. “Yet I think it would prey upon your sense of honor if you were not to step up. I wonder what you would do if it ever came to that?”
“Do not put it to the test.”
“I would never trick you into a compromising situation. You are the one who followed me down here. I was trying to escape you. Even so, I would not demand you marry me. But I suppose that is me being foolish again, for that scandal would give myuncle all the excuse he needed to further demote me in the family’s standing.”
“All the more reason why you must seriously consider Reggie and not dally over your decision. We have only the week to make this happen. Reggie and I return to London once the party is over.” He held her lightly by the elbow and walked her back to the beach steps.
The girl looked as though she wanted to cry.
