He took a seat before me, and my smile widened. God, their magic was amazing, and I couldn’t wait to learn it all.
“You’ve shifted into all sorts of creatures in past lives, even disguised yourself as other immortals or beings when carrying out missions.” His eyes narrowed, and his muzzle curved into a near smile as he tilted his head, his pale green eyes going distant for a moment. “I recall you using it in the most unconventional ways to get into trouble a time or two.”
I frowned, curious as to what I could have done, but before I could ask he shook his head, as if dismissing the thought. “For now, I want you to choose an animal, any animal. The more familiarity you have with it the better.”
“Any?”
“Let’s start with a bird of some type,” he said. “Mastering your sky form first will be useful to flee to safety.”
I drew a deep breath, my mind running through the possibilities. “What about an owl?”
“That’s a good start, but you need to narrow it down to a specific species of owl.”
I’d drawn them in the past, had spent time sketching a live barn owl in art studies class last semester. The details remained clear in my mind, having spent so much time staring at the stunning creature.
“The more familiar you are with the animal’s anatomy, the more successful the change will be. If you don’t have a clear vision in your head it will fail,” he said, shifting back into his immortal form before taking a seat on a nearby bolder.
“I just imagine it?” I asked hesitantly.
“Form the picture in your mind, imagine your body changing, your very being becoming that which resides in your thoughts. You aren’t simply changing your appearance; you are becoming the creature. Wings instead of arms, talons instead of feet. Give into the beast’s instincts. If you can’t manage a successful shift today, it’s all right. This is just our first session.”
I drew a deep breath. It sounded simple enough. I just had to picture it in my mind.
It was, in fact,notthat simple.
Zephyr and I had spent an hour training, but nothing had come of it. He chalked it up to exhaustion and decided to call it a day. It irritated me that I couldn’t push through it. I wanted to change, wanted to know what it would be like to become something more than what I was. I wanted to fly.
“We’ll adjust your schedule so your shifting training falls on the days you’re not doing physical training,” Damien said, taking my coat. “You’ve been going hard the past few weeks; it might be good to slow down a bit.”
“I don’t want to slow down,” I admitted, pulling my boots off, and a yawn crawled up my throat. “It’s helping me in a strange way.”
His gaze swept to me as he hung my coat up, and something akin to sympathy dulled his amber and ashen eyes. “I understand.”
Something fractured in my chest at that statement, because I knew he did. I knew how deeply he understood why the exertion helped me, even if the results were only temporary. Just as my medicine wouldn’t fix my heart, the training was just another bandage. I would have to face them both eventually.
“Damien...” I started. He didn’t have patrol tonight—maybe this was my chance to tell him. I’d put it off for far too long.
His brows rose. “What’s up?”
My lips parted, my heart thrashing in my chest. “I, uh... I wanted to talk to you about something.”
“Is everything all right? Did Aiden say something else to you after the obstacle course?” he asked, blinking as he drew closer to me. God, the closer he grew, the more my heart raged out of control, my palms turning clammy. What would he say when I told him? How would he react? Fuck. Where would I even start?
“No. It’s nothing like that. I—" The doorbell rang, and I stiffened.
“That’s probably Salwa. We got back a bit later than I anticipated,” he said, and my heart lurched. I’d completely forgotten The Order’s therapist.
“What was it you wanted to talk about?” he asked before he could answer the door.
Something twisted in my chest, constricting until I thought it might crack me in two. Just as the words formed on my tongue, I couldn’t do it, not with Salwa about to be here. We didn’t need an audience for this. “It’s… nothing. We can talk about it later.”
His brows furrowed, and for a moment, he seemed to hesitate. “Are you sure?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I’ve put off getting help long enough, and I don’t want to make her wait in the cold.”
He took my hand, the feel of his skin against mine soothing in more ways than I could explain. He leaned in to press a kiss to my forehead. “One step at a time. Even if it’s only introductions today, do what you can.”
I nodded, guilt twisting my gut.
