I was frozen, unable to so much as speak as her words played on repeat in my mind.
“I tried to avoid you when we first met. I didn’t want you to go through this.”
My hand tightened on hers. “Don’t talk like that.”
She winced again, and I tensed, releasing her hand to stand. “I’m going to get the nurse. They’re taking too long.”
“No—” She grabbed my hand, her grip shaking, and I froze. Her eyes met mine, and though she tried to maintain a mask of calm, there was fear within those hazel eyes.
It broke me.
“Please, just…” Her eyes searched, as if the words lying just out of her reach were a tangible object she could find. “I want you here. I don’t want to be alone.”
“I’m not going anywhere,mea luna. I’m here with you.” It pained me to say those words... because I wouldn’t be. I had yet to find a way to save her, and with all other options exhausted—
I would have to leave her.
“Can you…” She drew a deep breath, exhaustion coating each inhale. “Can you lie with me?”
I hesitated, looking over the tubes, the IVs in the crooks of her elbows. I didn’t want to risk damaging them. Carefully, I pushed myself up and moved things around so I wouldn’t disturb them. I shirked my coat off and hung it on the back of the chair before carefully climbing into bed beside her.
The mattress groaned as I turned onto my side, the bed nowhere near large enough to hold the two of us, but I held myself on the edge, offering her any comfort and warmth I could. She tried to turn to me, but I stopped her.
“I don’t want to risk messing with your IVs,” I said, and she sighed, nuzzling her face into the crook of my shoulder instead. I stretched an arm across her, holding her against me as I rested my chin on her head.
I don’t know how long we laid there like that. Time could’ve stopped; I wished it would have. If only we could slip from this world, slip from time and just be, just us.
Her breathing grew uneven, shaky, her chest heaving in a way that felt like she was trying to hide it, and a salty scent filled my nose. I pressed a kiss to her forehead.
“I’m so sorry,” she said into my shoulder, her voice low.
“No apologies,” I whispered. “Don’t hold it back. Don’t hide it. Let me share the burden. Let me be here with you.”
“I didn’t want this for you,” she said, and it was enough to make me crumble, to leave me broken.
I didn’t want this forher. Hadn’t we sacrificed enough? Hadn’t we lost enough? I would burn the Fates’ temple to the ground for this, for their willingness to let her die over a bullshit prophecy that may or may not come true. Fuck their prophecies. She’d never do what they said, would never have a hand in the deaths of millions—
And even if she did...
“I wish I could’ve seen it all with you… the Godsrealm, the end of the war.” Her voice broke as the sobs took over, and I held her, her head pressing under my chin.
I couldn’t find the words, and it irritated me to no end that the only thing I could do for her was to hold her and allow her the time to cry. “Me too,mea luna. Me too.”
She might see it, but it wouldn’t be with me.
66
CASSIE
“Guid mornin’ deary,” Ethel greeted as she entered my room. Her curly silver hair was tied back in a low ponytail, and she carried two bags with her. I didn’t know what it was about her. This woman was magical, her very presence like sunshine and warm spring air lighting up the room whenever she entered.
“I’ve missed you so much,Mitera,” I said, pushing myself up to sit.
Damien was on his feet, his arm coming to my back to help me sit up, and I smiled in thanks. My arms shook under my weight. I stifled the urge to grimace at the dull pain in my stomach, but I finally managed to balance upright.
She leaned over me, wrapping her arm around my neck and laying a kiss to my forehead. She tensed at the contact of our skin and reached down to rub my hands. “Oh child, yer so cold. Ah brought blanket from tae hoose fer ye. Ah also grabbed som’ fuzzeh socks.” She released me and reached into the bag strung over her shoulder to pull my favorite blanket free. I ran my hands over the soft fuzz as she laid it over my lap, and I pulled it up against my chest, pressing my nose into it to inhale the scent of our home. Damien’s scent lingered on it, and it was the most comforting thing she could’ve brought.
“Ah figured ye cuid use a book tae keep ye entertained,” she said with a wink as she reached into the bag again and slipped a couple of books from my library into my lap.
