Chapter 18
Payton
What have I done?
I refuse to meet Rhyland’s gaze to see the regret he must be feeling to have let things get out of hand. His brain must have caught up to his body and realized he was making out with me. His body acted on instinct. I shouldn’t take it personally. I never should have crossed that line with him.God, please let us get past this and not make things awkward.I would hate to have to move out because I couldn’t keep my hormones under control.
I can feel the heat from my cheeks, but I’m not sure if it’s from being turned on or from embarrassment.
Pressing my palms against his chest, I try to push off his lap to put space between us, but his hands grip my hips firmly.
“No,” he states. “Whatever you are thinking, that’s not what’s going on.”
Am I that transparent that he can read my thoughts?
“Payton, I want this. I want you.” He presses his covered erection up against my pussy, and I let out another whimper. His lips turn upward in a devilish smirk. “Never doubt that.”
“I don’t understand, then. What’s the problem?” My hands glide up his chest and link behind his neck, playing with the hairs at the nape of his neck that are still damp from his shower.
Rhyland reaches back and takes my hands in his, pulling them first to his mouth and pressing a kiss to them—holy fucking swoon—before settling them between us. I expect him to let them go, but he doesn’t. That has to mean something, right? Unless he really just wants to hold my hand to let me down gently.
“It has been torture with you being so close and not being able to touch you.” There’s a sincerity and strain in his voice that has me questioning everything.
“You can touch me now.” I kiss him quickly.
“Tease,” he mutters against my lips. “But we need to talk. There’s a lot that has unfolded in the last twenty-four hours, and I think we need to talk about and put it out there so there is nothing hanging between us.”
I nod because he’s right, even if I would rather keep kissing him. “Should I?” I motion with my hands to move over to another cushion.
“No, but here.” Rhyland adjusts me so I’m on his lap but no longer straddling him.
Silence fills the air. Is he going to start, or should I? Hell, where do I even begin? I watch Rhy as he tries to process those same thoughts.
He is the first to break the silence. “The first thing I need to know is if that dickhead hurt you.”
“Joel?”
He shakes his head. “No, that guy you went out with last night. I need to know that he didn’t hurt you at all. I have to be honestand tell you it took a shit ton of restraint to not call Sara Beth and find out where that fucker was and demand he tell me what the fuck he did that made you act like that when you got home. If it wasn’t for my concern for you and Gabby, I would have.”
My mouth falls open slightly in shock. I guess my memories of Rhyland that I recalled were after I got home.
“Of course not. He—” I look away, ashamed of how I let what happened get to me.
Rhyland tips my chin so I’m forced to look at him again. “Talk to me, okay? I’m not here to judge, just to listen.”
“Nixon was nice, but when Sara Beth and Jer were out on the dance floor, we got to talking. Sara Beth failed to mention that I was a single mom, well, obviously that I was single, but not the fact that I was a mom. And his reaction was…” I let out a curt laugh, now that I think about it. “Well, let’s just say his reaction was to get away from me as soon as possible. Sara Beth convinced me to stay awhile and to forget about him. Last time I saw him, he was kissing some redhead in the dark corner. I guess that whole situation just sent me down a dark rabbit hole of thoughts that I had no chance of climbing out of.”
I rub my palm along Rhyland’s jaw, trying to ease the tension I can see from there. If his jaw were any tighter, I’d be worried that he might crack a tooth. Thankfully, he leans into my touch as if it calms him.
“That explains the rambling. It killed me, Pay. You weren’t coherent enough to tell me what happened. And it’s probably a good thing because I definitely would have sought him out, and then maybe I’d have worse hands.” He holds up his bruised fists, and I press a soft kiss to the broken skin.
“Do I even want to know what I was rambling on about?” I joke, trying to ease the tension, but my stomach drops as I wait for him to go on.
“You brought up Joel.”Oh no.I bury my head in the crook of his neck. “It’s okay. You mentioned how he broke your trust, and your marriage felt crowded, and that he ruined all your chances of being happy. I hated that guy already, but as I watched you upset over him, the hatred only grew. And then it was as if the worlds had all aligned because, for some fucking crazy reason, he showed up at Tilley’s. When your brother mentioned he was there, something in me snapped. As I threw the first punch, I saw you and Gabby in my head.”
Tears fill my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. They’re not tears of sadness, but I’m overwhelmed by the situation.
I stare blankly at him, unsure even how to respond. He continues. “But none of what you said is true. I mean, it makes a lot more sense now, knowing what led to those thoughts, but fuck those guys, you’re perfect. And God, I hope that one day you can trust someone with your heart again. You deserve to have a man worship the ground you walk on. You deserve to have a man who sees your worth. Someone who puts you first, protects you, sends you your favorite food without you asking him just because he wants to take care of you. A real man will do anything to put a smile on your face. He won’t be able to keep from touching you. It will literally kill him to keep his hands to himself.” Rhyland’s fingers dance along my spine, causing me to shiver. “The only time he should make you cry is when you cry out in pleasure.”
